Okay, in Texas we still have 53 minutes until the new year officially begins. But it's already 2010 in Michigan.
I was going to do a bullet-pointed list of my highlights from the year, but it's impossible; a thread ran throughout this year, connecting each and every moment together. I couldn't say that one individual event was of greater significance than another.
What I can say is this:
2009 was a year of faith. Of jumping off the diving board into murky waters. Of finding the bottom and struggling my way back to the top. It was a year of previously unknown strength and of tears, of homesickness and of finding a new home. I discovered more deeply who I am, for better or worse. I made changes, fell back on old vices, and tried new things.
I can't predict what the next year will hold. I have my plans, have my goals, and have my hopes. And yet if there's anything I've learned this year, it was that everything can change in an instant. And that makes it exciting. I'm sitting on the edge of my seat, waiting for the year to unfold and show me its secrets.
I wish for you the same excitement. I hope that this year is full of adventure, of unexpected (pleasant!) surprises and twists in the road. I hope that, in one year, you enter into another new year a changed person, a better person. And I pray that God will bless you throughout the journey.
Happy New Year, friends. Let's make it a good one.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I got my white Christmas.
It's my last day in the mitten state.
Now, I guess that's not quite fair, showing up on here and saying "Ho, I'm leaving!" when I never even said that I was going anywhere to begin with. So I'll recap:
A week ago, at an hour that should never be beheld by man's waking eye, I left my island in the Gulf for the Great White North. It was 62 degrees when we left. 43 hours later, after 22 hours of driving, a 5.5 hour train ride, and a break for sleepy time in Iowa, I arrived in my hometown. It was 17 degrees.
Gross.
Good thing I packed all those sweaters.
And tights.
Although I ruined one pair of tights exiting the train with my usual grace and glory. I handed my suitcase to the porter, but, still straddled with my computer bag and a small duffel, I then missed one step with my foot and hit another with my knee.
It doesn't look so bad now, but hat's after a week of healing. You should have seen it the day of.
In any case, what better way to say "Welcome to Michigan!" is there than by falling off a train?
Given that I *technically* arrived on Christmas Eve (it was 12:15am, Eastern time), my first three days of this visit were chock full of activities and adventures. There was Christmas shopping to be finished, gifts to wrap, parties to attend, Christmas dinner to cook, family time to be had, and a wedding to witness.
The wedding was my grandfather's.
Please note, for those of you who have not experienced it before, attending the wedding of your grandfather, to a woman you've known for a significant portion of your life, is just plain weird.
I'm happy that he's happy, I really am. But suddenly being one of 25 "cousins," one of whom I was friends with in high school, and having nearly the same number of "aunts" and "uncles" is rather odd. The happy couple hosted a family open house on Christmas Eve, and I met all sorts of new folks that I'm now step-related to. I don't remember most of them. Given that I'll see them no more than once a year, I think I'm off the hook on knowing names.
It was a difficult few days, with the meet-and-greet, holiday celebrations, and nuptials. It's been more than two years since my grandmother passed away, but I still miss her immensely. Nancy will never take her place, and never fill the void she left behind. I felt the loss most acutely while I was cooking Christmas dinner.
We've always had Christmas at our house, and it usually was my mom cooking, with my grandma sitting at the table and helping whenever possible, and me floating around to be intermittently helpful and goofy.
Last year I started cooking, with my mom assisting, and my grandmother's stool sits empty. I was so tired from traveling this year, and so upset by all the changes in my family that I broke down crying over the stove.
Perhaps a few tears sweeten the broth, because the dinner turned out well, and the rest of the day was pleasant enough.
And finally on Saturday night, after the wedding and "after-party" were over, I kicked off my heels, left the hard parts of the week behind me, and began to truly enjoy my relaxing Northern vacation.
Despite having no kids at home (or even in-state), my parents bought a Wii. For reals. They got it for the WiiFit program specifically, but they're pretty much the coolest parents on the block, a status somehwhat lost on the fact that I don't live up here anymore to brag.
Thank goodness for blogs -- are YOUR parents as cool as mine?
So I've been honing my tennis/baseball/bowling/golf/balance/yoga skills fairly frequently over the last few days.
And cleaning out the closet in my old bedroom (and finding more and more things I really want to take back to Texas).
And watching movies.
And cuddling with my kitty.
Doesn't she look ecstatic?
This afternoon I'm going sledding with some kids I've known since their birth...which was not that early in my own life.
Wow, I feel old.
But I'm really excited.
And early tomorrow morning I leave again, bound for Chicago to meet Maggie and Murphy, then South we go, back to our warm, sunny island.
And back to my puppy.
I'm ready. I guess you know you're an adult when the charms of your hometown are all worn out after just a few days, and home -- however far away it may be -- begins to call.
Now, I guess that's not quite fair, showing up on here and saying "Ho, I'm leaving!" when I never even said that I was going anywhere to begin with. So I'll recap:
A week ago, at an hour that should never be beheld by man's waking eye, I left my island in the Gulf for the Great White North. It was 62 degrees when we left. 43 hours later, after 22 hours of driving, a 5.5 hour train ride, and a break for sleepy time in Iowa, I arrived in my hometown. It was 17 degrees.
Gross.
Good thing I packed all those sweaters.
And tights.
Although I ruined one pair of tights exiting the train with my usual grace and glory. I handed my suitcase to the porter, but, still straddled with my computer bag and a small duffel, I then missed one step with my foot and hit another with my knee.
It doesn't look so bad now, but hat's after a week of healing. You should have seen it the day of.
In any case, what better way to say "Welcome to Michigan!" is there than by falling off a train?
Given that I *technically* arrived on Christmas Eve (it was 12:15am, Eastern time), my first three days of this visit were chock full of activities and adventures. There was Christmas shopping to be finished, gifts to wrap, parties to attend, Christmas dinner to cook, family time to be had, and a wedding to witness.
The wedding was my grandfather's.
Please note, for those of you who have not experienced it before, attending the wedding of your grandfather, to a woman you've known for a significant portion of your life, is just plain weird.
I'm happy that he's happy, I really am. But suddenly being one of 25 "cousins," one of whom I was friends with in high school, and having nearly the same number of "aunts" and "uncles" is rather odd. The happy couple hosted a family open house on Christmas Eve, and I met all sorts of new folks that I'm now step-related to. I don't remember most of them. Given that I'll see them no more than once a year, I think I'm off the hook on knowing names.
It was a difficult few days, with the meet-and-greet, holiday celebrations, and nuptials. It's been more than two years since my grandmother passed away, but I still miss her immensely. Nancy will never take her place, and never fill the void she left behind. I felt the loss most acutely while I was cooking Christmas dinner.
We've always had Christmas at our house, and it usually was my mom cooking, with my grandma sitting at the table and helping whenever possible, and me floating around to be intermittently helpful and goofy.
Last year I started cooking, with my mom assisting, and my grandmother's stool sits empty. I was so tired from traveling this year, and so upset by all the changes in my family that I broke down crying over the stove.
Perhaps a few tears sweeten the broth, because the dinner turned out well, and the rest of the day was pleasant enough.
And finally on Saturday night, after the wedding and "after-party" were over, I kicked off my heels, left the hard parts of the week behind me, and began to truly enjoy my relaxing Northern vacation.
Despite having no kids at home (or even in-state), my parents bought a Wii. For reals. They got it for the WiiFit program specifically, but they're pretty much the coolest parents on the block, a status somehwhat lost on the fact that I don't live up here anymore to brag.
Thank goodness for blogs -- are YOUR parents as cool as mine?
So I've been honing my tennis/baseball/bowling/golf/balance/yoga skills fairly frequently over the last few days.
And cleaning out the closet in my old bedroom (and finding more and more things I really want to take back to Texas).
And watching movies.
And cuddling with my kitty.
Doesn't she look ecstatic?
This afternoon I'm going sledding with some kids I've known since their birth...which was not that early in my own life.
Wow, I feel old.
But I'm really excited.
And early tomorrow morning I leave again, bound for Chicago to meet Maggie and Murphy, then South we go, back to our warm, sunny island.
And back to my puppy.
I'm ready. I guess you know you're an adult when the charms of your hometown are all worn out after just a few days, and home -- however far away it may be -- begins to call.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
It should be noted that I don't particularly like New Year's Resolutions.
I've simply never understood why we should wait until the new year when we could do something today.
If you want to make a change, just do it.
{It should also be noted that I'm not particularly good at practicing what I preach. I'm great at making resolutions throughout the year. They just don't always have staying power.}
In any case, I was thinking this morning about the pending arrival of 2010.
It's getting close, kids. 15 more days.
And, while I generally prefer not to divide and define my life changes by years, there's no denying that it provides a useful segmentation to the onward-marching vectors of our lifetimes.
2009 was a banner year for me.
It was the year I stepped out in faith. The year I quit my job, moved to Texas, moved again within Texas, began a work for which I am passionate, and got a puppy.
The thought that I've been turning over in my mind the past week or so is simple:
Why can't 2010 be even better??
I'm looking forward to the next year. And yes, there may be some resolutions that happen to correspond with January 1st. :)
I've simply never understood why we should wait until the new year when we could do something today.
If you want to make a change, just do it.
{It should also be noted that I'm not particularly good at practicing what I preach. I'm great at making resolutions throughout the year. They just don't always have staying power.}
In any case, I was thinking this morning about the pending arrival of 2010.
It's getting close, kids. 15 more days.
And, while I generally prefer not to divide and define my life changes by years, there's no denying that it provides a useful segmentation to the onward-marching vectors of our lifetimes.
2009 was a banner year for me.
It was the year I stepped out in faith. The year I quit my job, moved to Texas, moved again within Texas, began a work for which I am passionate, and got a puppy.
The thought that I've been turning over in my mind the past week or so is simple:
Why can't 2010 be even better??
I'm looking forward to the next year. And yes, there may be some resolutions that happen to correspond with January 1st. :)
Monday, December 14, 2009
Christmas is a Time for Happy Ridiculousness.
I'll admit it: Until 11:59pm on November 30th, I'm a scrooge.
I don't want to hear Christmas carols before December first, and don't you dare play them all year long. Even then, I'd rather not have Christmas songs be ALL I hear.
BUT.
About two weeks before Christmas my mood starts to shift.
Last night I watched "White Christmas."
I sat in the living room, curled up on the couch with Bennet, singing along with Bing and Danny and Rosemary and Vera Ellen. Kind of loudly.
One of my roommates came down at one point, and in response to my excited "I'm watching White Christmas!" she called me a tool.
Psh.
I won't watch that movie in May. Or in October. Or any of those other non-December months. But when I do, I will watch it with glee. And sing along. Because, really, how can you not?
"Snow, snow, snow, snow, SNOW!! It won't be long before we'll all be there with snow...."
{8 days until I leave for the north.}
I don't want to hear Christmas carols before December first, and don't you dare play them all year long. Even then, I'd rather not have Christmas songs be ALL I hear.
BUT.
About two weeks before Christmas my mood starts to shift.
Last night I watched "White Christmas."
I sat in the living room, curled up on the couch with Bennet, singing along with Bing and Danny and Rosemary and Vera Ellen. Kind of loudly.
One of my roommates came down at one point, and in response to my excited "I'm watching White Christmas!" she called me a tool.
Psh.
I won't watch that movie in May. Or in October. Or any of those other non-December months. But when I do, I will watch it with glee. And sing along. Because, really, how can you not?
"Snow, snow, snow, snow, SNOW!! It won't be long before we'll all be there with snow...."
{8 days until I leave for the north.}
Monday, December 7, 2009
Just another manic Monday.
As if our three dogs weren't enough, we have a neighbor-pup.
His name is Milo. He's not actually the nicest furball in the world. But he's really cute and loves to play with Bennet and Murphy.
Unrelated:
:)
Happy Monday!
His name is Milo. He's not actually the nicest furball in the world. But he's really cute and loves to play with Bennet and Murphy.
Unrelated:
:)
Happy Monday!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Leaving the Nest
This morning was my last day as a BrazosPointe Fellowship All-Stars volunteer.
I introduced my kids to their new team-time leader, Kim. And then, at the end of the morning, Kathy pulled me up front to have the kids say good-bye.
I hadn't told the teen leaders, or Jeff. So as Kathy is saying, "Miss Carolyn, come up here," Kyle, one of the high school-aged helpers, yells, "No! No!" And afterwards, Jeff catches me and says, "I had to find out from Kathy?"
I wasn't sure how to tell them. So I didn't.
This new chapter is exciting -- I'm ready to find a community here in Galveston. But it's sad. These people are the reason I settled into Texas so quickly and easily, and I will miss them dearly.
I will miss playing catchphrase at small group. Going out to lunch after church. Dancing around with the kids in All-Stars. Being teased by the high schoolers for being tiny and young-looking. Adorable child-faces looking at me in wonder.
A deep and rich faith community is hard to come by. God put amazing people in my life just when I needed it, as a yankee girl alone in Texas. And then He brought me here. I don't know why; this is certainly not how I imagined my year going. But there it is, and all I can do is embrace it.
I introduced my kids to their new team-time leader, Kim. And then, at the end of the morning, Kathy pulled me up front to have the kids say good-bye.
I hadn't told the teen leaders, or Jeff. So as Kathy is saying, "Miss Carolyn, come up here," Kyle, one of the high school-aged helpers, yells, "No! No!" And afterwards, Jeff catches me and says, "I had to find out from Kathy?"
I wasn't sure how to tell them. So I didn't.
This new chapter is exciting -- I'm ready to find a community here in Galveston. But it's sad. These people are the reason I settled into Texas so quickly and easily, and I will miss them dearly.
I will miss playing catchphrase at small group. Going out to lunch after church. Dancing around with the kids in All-Stars. Being teased by the high schoolers for being tiny and young-looking. Adorable child-faces looking at me in wonder.
A deep and rich faith community is hard to come by. God put amazing people in my life just when I needed it, as a yankee girl alone in Texas. And then He brought me here. I don't know why; this is certainly not how I imagined my year going. But there it is, and all I can do is embrace it.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Tonight.
Tonight I don't want to be single. Tonight I don't want to be alone.
Rather than sitting in my PJs pretending to clean my room while I actually browse the web, I want to get dolled up. I want to get some use out of my froufy dresses and my fancy heels. I want to take two hours to get ready because I'm getting my makeup just right. Then I want someone to come to my door and hesitate for a moment before he says hello because he's caught off-guard and has to catch his breath, telling me without a word that I am beautiful. I want to be guided through the doorway with his hand on the small of my back, a gesture of both protection and affection. And I want to end the night with a long embrace that lingers with our fingers touching until the very last moment our arms can span the widening gulf between us as I turn to walk through my door.
Instead, tonight I'll go to bed without thoughts or newly-created memories of any special someone. And I'll wake tomorrow not to a good morning text because he just couldn't wait to say hi, but to a six-month-old terrier licking my nose because she really has to pee and needs me to get up right away.
It might not be what I want, but it's what I have right now.
At least the terrier is pretty adorable.
Rather than sitting in my PJs pretending to clean my room while I actually browse the web, I want to get dolled up. I want to get some use out of my froufy dresses and my fancy heels. I want to take two hours to get ready because I'm getting my makeup just right. Then I want someone to come to my door and hesitate for a moment before he says hello because he's caught off-guard and has to catch his breath, telling me without a word that I am beautiful. I want to be guided through the doorway with his hand on the small of my back, a gesture of both protection and affection. And I want to end the night with a long embrace that lingers with our fingers touching until the very last moment our arms can span the widening gulf between us as I turn to walk through my door.
Instead, tonight I'll go to bed without thoughts or newly-created memories of any special someone. And I'll wake tomorrow not to a good morning text because he just couldn't wait to say hi, but to a six-month-old terrier licking my nose because she really has to pee and needs me to get up right away.
It might not be what I want, but it's what I have right now.
At least the terrier is pretty adorable.
Friday, December 4, 2009
Nu Joisy.
Have you seen the new MTV Real World-esque show "The Jersey Shore"?
Don't. It's terrible.
It features eight self-proclaimed guidos and guidettes living in a house on the boardwalk of the Jersey Shore, several miles up the coastline from the family-friendly town where I spent a few months three summers ago.
It's a horrible show. Lots of bleeped-out cuss words, blurred body parts, alcohol, and immoral behavior.
We watched it for two hours last night.
Two hours.
And have plans to watch next week.
It's that hilariously horrible.
Don't watch. You'll get sucked in too.
Don't. It's terrible.
It features eight self-proclaimed guidos and guidettes living in a house on the boardwalk of the Jersey Shore, several miles up the coastline from the family-friendly town where I spent a few months three summers ago.
It's a horrible show. Lots of bleeped-out cuss words, blurred body parts, alcohol, and immoral behavior.
We watched it for two hours last night.
Two hours.
And have plans to watch next week.
It's that hilariously horrible.
Don't watch. You'll get sucked in too.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Why not?
Today I'm wearing a long-sleeved red lumberjack plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up to my elbows under a short-sleeved red v-neck sweater. Which caused Maggie to incredulously exclaim, "Are you wearing plaid and a sweater?" upon my entrance to the office this morning.
Yes, yes I am.
I'm not in love with this outfit, but there's something funky/retro/nerdy about it that just works for me.
Upon now realizing that most of my 6 (is that being optimistic?) faithful readers don't give a toad's toe about my wardrobe choices, I have decided that I will now continue on in the same vein.
Well, 'cause I can. It's my blog.
This week, I've been super giggly and happy and ridiculous. I feel creative, and adventurous.
My funky/nerdy/retro clothing reflects that.
I'm taking a chance.
Sure, it just involves pulling a few things out of my over-stuffed closet and putting them on.
Sure, it's just clothing.
But it's a reflection of me, and of how I feel.
And today it reflects that I'm bold and a little ridiculous.
I like that.
Even if I did switch out my sassy shoes (a pair of red stilettos), for a pair that's far more sensible (read: comfortable), even if they're black.
Yes, yes I am.
I'm not in love with this outfit, but there's something funky/retro/nerdy about it that just works for me.
Upon now realizing that most of my 6 (is that being optimistic?) faithful readers don't give a toad's toe about my wardrobe choices, I have decided that I will now continue on in the same vein.
Well, 'cause I can. It's my blog.
This week, I've been super giggly and happy and ridiculous. I feel creative, and adventurous.
My funky/nerdy/retro clothing reflects that.
I'm taking a chance.
Sure, it just involves pulling a few things out of my over-stuffed closet and putting them on.
Sure, it's just clothing.
But it's a reflection of me, and of how I feel.
And today it reflects that I'm bold and a little ridiculous.
I like that.
Even if I did switch out my sassy shoes (a pair of red stilettos), for a pair that's far more sensible (read: comfortable), even if they're black.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Happy Thanksgiving. :)
Today, I'm thankful for...
1) A fuzzy white puppy who believes that cuddles are the perfect way to rouse someone.
2) The warm sunshine.
3) Living out my adventure in Texas.
4) A job that I L-O-V-E.
5) Amazing parents that I get to see in 27 days.
6) Being at a point in my life where singleness is actually a blessing.
7) A home - not just having one, but having a big old beautiful one with ornate trim and a stained-glass window.
8) 53 degrees at 7:40am (which will turn into 65 before the day is over).
9) An ocean view (10 blocks away, but who's counting??).
10) Dear friends, near and far away.
I hope you are having a glorious holiday on this particular Thursday, whether alone or with family or friends.
Much love from Texas!
1) A fuzzy white puppy who believes that cuddles are the perfect way to rouse someone.
2) The warm sunshine.
3) Living out my adventure in Texas.
4) A job that I L-O-V-E.
5) Amazing parents that I get to see in 27 days.
6) Being at a point in my life where singleness is actually a blessing.
7) A home - not just having one, but having a big old beautiful one with ornate trim and a stained-glass window.
8) 53 degrees at 7:40am (which will turn into 65 before the day is over).
9) An ocean view (10 blocks away, but who's counting??).
10) Dear friends, near and far away.
I hope you are having a glorious holiday on this particular Thursday, whether alone or with family or friends.
Much love from Texas!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Miss Bennet.
We've been doing a little cleaning, a little movie watching, a little cuddling, and a little laundry on this cold Saturday morning.
And yes, I just called 57 degrees cold.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Inspiration
I've been inspired by a lot lately.
Last night I sat on the living room floor and turned an aged piece of woodland decor into a fresh piece of artwork. I bought the wooden frame with a picture of ducks on a pond from Goodwill for just $4.00. Last night I sprayed the frame silver, and painted over the ducks with robin's egg blue and a little bit of soft details, with the words, "Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die...life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly."
It's a poem by Langston Hughes. I read it in high school, and we created artwork based on it that displayed our dreams. My senior year, as my English teacher was cleaning up her room, she gave me the artwork we had made. It's at my parents' house in my portfolio, but those words stuck with me throughout the years, and I wanted to display them in some way.
All I want to do right now is create. To sew, and paint, and glue things together.
I'm so excited to spend a few days alone in the house next week. :)
Last night I sat on the living room floor and turned an aged piece of woodland decor into a fresh piece of artwork. I bought the wooden frame with a picture of ducks on a pond from Goodwill for just $4.00. Last night I sprayed the frame silver, and painted over the ducks with robin's egg blue and a little bit of soft details, with the words, "Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die...life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly."
It's a poem by Langston Hughes. I read it in high school, and we created artwork based on it that displayed our dreams. My senior year, as my English teacher was cleaning up her room, she gave me the artwork we had made. It's at my parents' house in my portfolio, but those words stuck with me throughout the years, and I wanted to display them in some way.
All I want to do right now is create. To sew, and paint, and glue things together.
I'm so excited to spend a few days alone in the house next week. :)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Seriously?
I don't dream very often.
Okay, the scientists in the room might take exception with that statement and explain to me that, according to the nature of REM cycles, I do dream. I may simply not remember them.
Whatever. If I don't remember it, it didn't happen.
In any case, I've been dreaming off and on lately.
And there seems to be a theme. Here's a sample:
1) A few weeks ago: It's my wedding day. My mom is with me as I get ready. There's something not quite right about my dress. It's not what I wanted. As I adjust and primp, I realize the same is true for the guy. Then I wake up.
2) Last night: I'm proposed to (possibly by my ex-boyfriend? let's just assume it was an unknown place-holding boy). He hands me a selection of rings to choose from and leaves the room. I immediately breeze past the diamonds for the non-traditional, funky stone rings. All of which are cheap, dime-store pieces. I realize that, in not anticipating my preferences (and giving me a selection?), this guy doesn't know me at all. And that's a fail. Then I wake up.
Put the dream analysis books back on the shelves, kids. This one is pretty easy to figure out.
For one of the first times in my life, my desire for companionship is being trumped by something else: wanting the RIGHT guy. And if my dreams are any indication, I'm willing to wait until I find him.
Do I know him right now? I don't think so.
Will I find him? Yes, someday. God-willing.
Much love from Texas. :)
Okay, the scientists in the room might take exception with that statement and explain to me that, according to the nature of REM cycles, I do dream. I may simply not remember them.
Whatever. If I don't remember it, it didn't happen.
In any case, I've been dreaming off and on lately.
And there seems to be a theme. Here's a sample:
1) A few weeks ago: It's my wedding day. My mom is with me as I get ready. There's something not quite right about my dress. It's not what I wanted. As I adjust and primp, I realize the same is true for the guy. Then I wake up.
2) Last night: I'm proposed to (possibly by my ex-boyfriend? let's just assume it was an unknown place-holding boy). He hands me a selection of rings to choose from and leaves the room. I immediately breeze past the diamonds for the non-traditional, funky stone rings. All of which are cheap, dime-store pieces. I realize that, in not anticipating my preferences (and giving me a selection?), this guy doesn't know me at all. And that's a fail. Then I wake up.
Put the dream analysis books back on the shelves, kids. This one is pretty easy to figure out.
For one of the first times in my life, my desire for companionship is being trumped by something else: wanting the RIGHT guy. And if my dreams are any indication, I'm willing to wait until I find him.
Do I know him right now? I don't think so.
Will I find him? Yes, someday. God-willing.
Much love from Texas. :)
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Two Things.
1) Spot, the adorable little stuffed puppy of children's literary fame, has been decapitated and met his sorrowful death. May he rest in peace, and my his legacy live on in the hearts, minds, and bookshelves of future generations.
2) I realized this morning that I had a pretty good dating life in college. There was an interest, whether it turned into anything or not, each of my four years.
Except what led me to this conclusion was the realization that it's been nearly two years since I went on a proper date, and a year and a half since I even hung out with a guy with any sort of interest in me.
Of course, I could have taken Mr. Car Dealership himself up on his offer.
Wait...no. Definitely no.
2) I realized this morning that I had a pretty good dating life in college. There was an interest, whether it turned into anything or not, each of my four years.
Except what led me to this conclusion was the realization that it's been nearly two years since I went on a proper date, and a year and a half since I even hung out with a guy with any sort of interest in me.
Of course, I could have taken Mr. Car Dealership himself up on his offer.
Wait...no. Definitely no.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Dear Self (6 Months Ago),
If you knew what I know now, you'd be doing things a little differntly. Sure, you might not make all of those impulse purchases that now hang in my closet unused. But you'd have a lot more cash. And you'd feel a lot better about life.
See, budgeting is kind of a neat trick. Being able to say, "Thanks, but I'm eating in tonight. Gotta stick to the budget." is pretty cool. And when it's all on paper (theoretically, 'cause it's actually maintained digitally), you can't even try to justify spending more than you have or have allotted. Even if you tried, the red bar of overbudgetedness would be staring you back in the face, yelling "Ehhhhhhhh. Wrong answer!"
Needless to say, I'm doing pretty well over here. Cleaning up your messes, though, which will take far longer for me than it took you to make them. Thanks for that, really.
Peace, love, and balanced budgets.
C-Jo
See, budgeting is kind of a neat trick. Being able to say, "Thanks, but I'm eating in tonight. Gotta stick to the budget." is pretty cool. And when it's all on paper (theoretically, 'cause it's actually maintained digitally), you can't even try to justify spending more than you have or have allotted. Even if you tried, the red bar of overbudgetedness would be staring you back in the face, yelling "Ehhhhhhhh. Wrong answer!"
Needless to say, I'm doing pretty well over here. Cleaning up your messes, though, which will take far longer for me than it took you to make them. Thanks for that, really.
Peace, love, and balanced budgets.
C-Jo
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Things that make me smile.
1) There's a puppy under my chair. Her name is Bennet. You've met her.
2) I have The Office sticky notes. They say "Petty behavior. Zero productivity. All in a day's work."
3) I'm eating grapes, and I just had a delicious homemade black bean veggie burger.
4) I'm leaving work at 4:00 today, which is approximately 3 hours and 38 minutes from now.
5) I live in Texas, and though it's November, the sun is shining bright, warm, and delicious.
I should do this weekly. :)
2) I have The Office sticky notes. They say "Petty behavior. Zero productivity. All in a day's work."
3) I'm eating grapes, and I just had a delicious homemade black bean veggie burger.
4) I'm leaving work at 4:00 today, which is approximately 3 hours and 38 minutes from now.
5) I live in Texas, and though it's November, the sun is shining bright, warm, and delicious.
I should do this weekly. :)
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Angry puppy.
Let it be established right now that Bennet, my dear, sweet girl-puppy, does not like the ocean.
At all.
I made her play in the waves. Her response was to run the other direction and glare at me. If looks could kill, I'd been dead and buried four times over.
After rinsing off my own feet and allowing her to leave the shoreline, prissy little princess trotted all the way home, barely stopping to sniff, pulling hard on the leash in my hand. She was wet, she was mad, and she wasn't going to give me the time of day until I learned from my mistakes.
Until we got into the yard at home. Then all was well, and cuddles resumed.
At all.
I made her play in the waves. Her response was to run the other direction and glare at me. If looks could kill, I'd been dead and buried four times over.
After rinsing off my own feet and allowing her to leave the shoreline, prissy little princess trotted all the way home, barely stopping to sniff, pulling hard on the leash in my hand. She was wet, she was mad, and she wasn't going to give me the time of day until I learned from my mistakes.
Until we got into the yard at home. Then all was well, and cuddles resumed.
Brownies.
I dreamed about brownies last night. For reals. In fact, there might have been brownies in two locations in my dream. One, at some holiday dinnery thing, and the other in a college cafeteria, where I was, for some odd reason, eating. And forgot my ID, as I so often did in college, but that's a separate issue.
The real issue here is brownies.
I don't know what sparked this dream. I haven't had a brownie in at least two weeks, and I certainly don't have any in the house. My roommates are all asleep, so I know they weren't baking and invading my dreams with the scent of heavenly chocolate.
Though I wish they had, because now I want one.
No, I will not eat brownies. I will attempt, against all odds, to eat healthily today.
No brownies for this girl.
The real issue here is brownies.
I don't know what sparked this dream. I haven't had a brownie in at least two weeks, and I certainly don't have any in the house. My roommates are all asleep, so I know they weren't baking and invading my dreams with the scent of heavenly chocolate.
Though I wish they had, because now I want one.
No, I will not eat brownies. I will attempt, against all odds, to eat healthily today.
No brownies for this girl.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Childhood Memories.
Bennet has a new toy, courtesy of Goodwill (best place to buy your dog toys EVER...just grab stuffed animals, and the puppy is happy!).
Her newest stufty is Spot, from this book series. Now that's a trip down memory lane. :)
Her newest stufty is Spot, from this book series. Now that's a trip down memory lane. :)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
On money (or the lack thereof).
Today, I was sitting around ClergyCon with no demands on my time, and so I thought, "I should do my finances."
That's what you do when you're bored, right?
Anyway, I signed up for mint.com (highly recommended by Maggie), and was told:
"YOU'RE OVER BUDGET."
Okay, I was a business major. I get this finance thing. Money comes in, money goes out. You pay your bills, and that makes lenders happy, which, in turn, makes you happy.
Yet that I have little to no concept of how to properly manage my money. I haven't figured out how not to spend more than I actually hold. And how to spend it on the right things. And how to save up for those little emergencies (like needing new tires on my four-year-owned cavalier).
My financial issues are deep -- far deeper than selective ignorance (though that would be enough). There's a certain amount of pride in spending freely, without giving a thought to the consequences. There's pride in wearing the right things at the right time, which sometimes requires a purchase or two. There's also comfort, using shopping as a crutch, as a support system, as an expression of joy.
I love clothes and things. I love to shop. I like to be looked well upon, and I like retail therapy. But at what cost? The future of my finances?
I'm working on it, and that's why I'm on the site. Today, for the first time in months, I saw my net worth.
(Actually, I saw a portion of it. I'm having trouble getting two of my loans to load.)
Either way, it's U-G-L-Y. And I ain't got no alibi.
That's what you do when you're bored, right?
Anyway, I signed up for mint.com (highly recommended by Maggie), and was told:
"YOU'RE OVER BUDGET."
Okay, I was a business major. I get this finance thing. Money comes in, money goes out. You pay your bills, and that makes lenders happy, which, in turn, makes you happy.
Yet that I have little to no concept of how to properly manage my money. I haven't figured out how not to spend more than I actually hold. And how to spend it on the right things. And how to save up for those little emergencies (like needing new tires on my four-year-owned cavalier).
My financial issues are deep -- far deeper than selective ignorance (though that would be enough). There's a certain amount of pride in spending freely, without giving a thought to the consequences. There's pride in wearing the right things at the right time, which sometimes requires a purchase or two. There's also comfort, using shopping as a crutch, as a support system, as an expression of joy.
I love clothes and things. I love to shop. I like to be looked well upon, and I like retail therapy. But at what cost? The future of my finances?
I'm working on it, and that's why I'm on the site. Today, for the first time in months, I saw my net worth.
(Actually, I saw a portion of it. I'm having trouble getting two of my loans to load.)
Either way, it's U-G-L-Y. And I ain't got no alibi.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Wardrobe Re:Fashion
I'm taking a plunge. I've joined the website Wardrobe ReFashion and pledged to not buy any new clothing for six months starting November 1st. If I want something, I need to thrift/re-create/make it myself.
Confession.
I get jealous when girls are interested in my guy friends. Not necessarily because I'm interested in the guys, but because I don't want to surrender the possibility that something could happen (even if it shouldn't/can't/won't/etc.).
It makes it really hard to be a cheerleader for my friends when they like someone.
I know I'm not the only one. But that doesn't make it okay.
It makes it really hard to be a cheerleader for my friends when they like someone.
I know I'm not the only one. But that doesn't make it okay.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
A common thread.
Loneliness is sitting at an empty intersection, waiting for the light to turn green.
That was my thought late Monday night/Tuesday morning as I was driving back from Surfside. There were three other people in my car, but they'd all fallen asleep.
Loneliness is actually interchangeable. It could also read "Patience is..." or probably something else as well. But what I felt that night was not patience. It was loneliness. It was feeling like I was the only person in the world at that moment.
I started this blog at the beginning of the year, right before I moved. Loneliness has been a thread running through the entirety of the last 10 months, and I apologize in advance for the repetition; I don't foresee it changing anytime soon.
The key to playing this game is not our experience, but our response. Loneliness happens. But it doesn't have to bring sadness, misery, despair, hopelessness, longing, etc. along with it. I can be lonely and still have joy. I can be lonely and still laugh, still love my life. I can be lonely and still love to sit home alone in the evenings reading a book.
That's where I am right now. There are times in life when I feel alone. Mentally, physically, spiritually. But that's not all I feel, and, even more, I'm not determined by that experience, nor afraid to experience it.
That was my thought late Monday night/Tuesday morning as I was driving back from Surfside. There were three other people in my car, but they'd all fallen asleep.
Loneliness is actually interchangeable. It could also read "Patience is..." or probably something else as well. But what I felt that night was not patience. It was loneliness. It was feeling like I was the only person in the world at that moment.
I started this blog at the beginning of the year, right before I moved. Loneliness has been a thread running through the entirety of the last 10 months, and I apologize in advance for the repetition; I don't foresee it changing anytime soon.
The key to playing this game is not our experience, but our response. Loneliness happens. But it doesn't have to bring sadness, misery, despair, hopelessness, longing, etc. along with it. I can be lonely and still have joy. I can be lonely and still laugh, still love my life. I can be lonely and still love to sit home alone in the evenings reading a book.
That's where I am right now. There are times in life when I feel alone. Mentally, physically, spiritually. But that's not all I feel, and, even more, I'm not determined by that experience, nor afraid to experience it.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
We can take a ride on my big green tractor.
Katie, Chris, and Dave dropped by Southeast Texas this weekend for four days of fun-filled madness.
Seriously filled. Overflowing:
1) Lunch in Houston.
2) Walk along Seawall (with a stop for Blue Bell).
3) Texas high school football (poor showing, but it was fun anyway).
4) Dinner w/ my roommates and Denver @ Mediterranean Chef.
5) Slept in (them, not me...oh the woes of having a puppy).
6) Whataburger.
7) Where the Wild Things Are (without free popcorn...Dave fail).
8) Moody Gardens Aquarium - PENGUINS!!
9) Bolivar Peninsula.
10) Eternal Sunshine of the Spot...(oops, we fell asleep).
11) Church @ Brazos Pointe.
12) Buc-ee's.
13a) Driving on beach.
13b) Lunch in Surfside.
14) Boogie-boarding.
15) Yaga's (yummy veggie burgers!!).
16) NOT a beach bonfire - stargazing instead.
17a) Priming/painting an Ike-damaged house.
17b) Jack in the Box (them, not me...I had a meeting)
18) MINI GOLF (significant to the way we began).
19) Near-death encounter with cows on the road.
20) Smithhart's for Chicken Fried Steak (which Katie and I did NOT eat).
21) Beach bonfire. For reals.
I have no idea how we fit it all in, but we did it. I dropped them off at the airport this morning with more than a tinge of sadness, saying goodbye to some of the best friends I never expected to find. We're a surprising group, none of us having been close friends (or even knowing each other) before a Steak-and-Shake encounter to remember a little more than a year ago. Yet our short-lived dinner party schedule was one of my favorite parts of the past year and a half. This weekend just cemented my love for these three crazy people. :)
It kind of makes me want to move back home in March. Let's face it...my heart's in two different places right now. There's this great place where I've found an amazing church and good friends and a beautiful land of sunshine and open waters. And yet there's also a place of familiarity, of family and friends and trees that change color with the seasons.
I have a few months left to decide, but I don't know how I'm going to do it.
Seriously filled. Overflowing:
1) Lunch in Houston.
2) Walk along Seawall (with a stop for Blue Bell).
3) Texas high school football (poor showing, but it was fun anyway).
4) Dinner w/ my roommates and Denver @ Mediterranean Chef.
5) Slept in (them, not me...oh the woes of having a puppy).
6) Whataburger.
7) Where the Wild Things Are (without free popcorn...Dave fail).
8) Moody Gardens Aquarium - PENGUINS!!
9) Bolivar Peninsula.
10) Eternal Sunshine of the Spot...(oops, we fell asleep).
11) Church @ Brazos Pointe.
12) Buc-ee's.
13a) Driving on beach.
13b) Lunch in Surfside.
14) Boogie-boarding.
15) Yaga's (yummy veggie burgers!!).
16) NOT a beach bonfire - stargazing instead.
17a) Priming/painting an Ike-damaged house.
17b) Jack in the Box (them, not me...I had a meeting)
18) MINI GOLF (significant to the way we began).
19) Near-death encounter with cows on the road.
20) Smithhart's for Chicken Fried Steak (which Katie and I did NOT eat).
21) Beach bonfire. For reals.
I have no idea how we fit it all in, but we did it. I dropped them off at the airport this morning with more than a tinge of sadness, saying goodbye to some of the best friends I never expected to find. We're a surprising group, none of us having been close friends (or even knowing each other) before a Steak-and-Shake encounter to remember a little more than a year ago. Yet our short-lived dinner party schedule was one of my favorite parts of the past year and a half. This weekend just cemented my love for these three crazy people. :)
It kind of makes me want to move back home in March. Let's face it...my heart's in two different places right now. There's this great place where I've found an amazing church and good friends and a beautiful land of sunshine and open waters. And yet there's also a place of familiarity, of family and friends and trees that change color with the seasons.
I have a few months left to decide, but I don't know how I'm going to do it.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Dear Texas (Again).
Dear Texas,
I don't understand you. It was pitch black at 6:45 when I woke to take little miss sunshine out to pee. But it was still hot as Hades. If you're going to hand me the darkness of the "cooler" months, can't you at least bless me with a few golden leaves?
Much love,
Carolyn
P.S. You can tell the cool weather fairy who visited on Sunday that she's welcome back any time. I liked her a lot.
I don't understand you. It was pitch black at 6:45 when I woke to take little miss sunshine out to pee. But it was still hot as Hades. If you're going to hand me the darkness of the "cooler" months, can't you at least bless me with a few golden leaves?
Much love,
Carolyn
P.S. You can tell the cool weather fairy who visited on Sunday that she's welcome back any time. I liked her a lot.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Holy Pup.
I admit it. I forgot just how much work it is to train a puppy. I was a bit overwhelmed by it this evening as my tiny furball kept growling and snapping at her (much) bigger stepbrother.
I actually stopped for a moment and wondered if I'd made the right decision in getting her.
Right now, though, she's laying in her kennel a few feet away from me, passed out on her back, with her feet sticking up in the air. Dork. But I love her.
I'll be honest: having this goofy ball of white fuzz in my life complicates it a little. It'll be harder to go to Lake Jackson and spend hours upon hours there. I have something else to think about every day, and there's a week in December when I have no idea what to do with her because I'll be in Michigan.
But that's okay. We'll figure out as we go, this little girl and I.
I actually stopped for a moment and wondered if I'd made the right decision in getting her.
Right now, though, she's laying in her kennel a few feet away from me, passed out on her back, with her feet sticking up in the air. Dork. But I love her.
I'll be honest: having this goofy ball of white fuzz in my life complicates it a little. It'll be harder to go to Lake Jackson and spend hours upon hours there. I have something else to think about every day, and there's a week in December when I have no idea what to do with her because I'll be in Michigan.
But that's okay. We'll figure out as we go, this little girl and I.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Random Josie Conversations.
Josie: Let's get a silver bullet trailer and have a baby boy. - Regina Spektor
Words I should live by.
Cause that's really what I need.
me: a silver bullet and a baby?
I mean, I appreciate Regina Spektor's idealism, but that spells trailer trash to me.
Josie: I was thinking a way to move across the country freely, without ties!
Now I'm just gonna be sad when I hear that song.
Regina deserves so much better for herself.
I miss Josie. She should quit school and come back to Texas. Except not if it's not the best thing for her. Yeah.
Words I should live by.
Cause that's really what I need.
me: a silver bullet and a baby?
I mean, I appreciate Regina Spektor's idealism, but that spells trailer trash to me.
Josie: I was thinking a way to move across the country freely, without ties!
Now I'm just gonna be sad when I hear that song.
Regina deserves so much better for herself.
I miss Josie. She should quit school and come back to Texas. Except not if it's not the best thing for her. Yeah.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
These are my people!
This is the ministry I work with: http://galvestondailynews.com/story.lasso?ewcd=0bb0549e1bd0f0bd
Whoo!
Whoo!
Friday, September 18, 2009
On loneliness.
lone⋅ly /ˈloÊŠnli/[lohn-lee]
–adjective, -li⋅er, -li⋅est.
1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.
2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.
3. lone; solitary; without company; companionless.
4. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak
5. standing apart; isolated
On the days when I feel most lonely, I find myself on facebook, searching my friends' profiles for something to comment on so that they can reply, affirming my connection to the world. Don't even try telling me you don't do it too.
Loneliness, most often, has little to do with physical proximity, and everything to do with emotional connectivity.
I was thinking about all this this morning as I made my Friday-morning trek back to Galveston from Lake Jackson. There, I'm part of the group, but skirting around the margins, unable to fully engage simply because I'm not always physically around. Here, I'm around most of the time, but not always on the same plane mentally or emotionally.
It's a strange dichotomy, and yet one that I see great opportunity in. In the midst of my struggle to become connected on every level, I find myself failing and learning to find strength in myself and, more importantly, in God.
I have no doubt that His hand led me to Texas, and opened doors to a home, and friends, and a solid church. In some ways, it was too easy. It all happened quickly and smoothly, without any real opportunity for me to seek Him, to beg Him, to depend on Him.
Now, in this funny in-between state, the tables have shifted. My physical needs are still met, but I crave the spiritual link I had in LJ, where I shared life with people of similar mind and heart.
Right now I'm tottering about on my own, having had my spiritual crutch of good friends removed.
It's lonely here. And that's okay. It forces me to look past others to something Bigger.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
And, even when I feel crummy and whiney (which is often, let's face it):
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
Love from TX,
c.jo
–adjective, -li⋅er, -li⋅est.
1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.
2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.
3. lone; solitary; without company; companionless.
4. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak
5. standing apart; isolated
On the days when I feel most lonely, I find myself on facebook, searching my friends' profiles for something to comment on so that they can reply, affirming my connection to the world. Don't even try telling me you don't do it too.
Loneliness, most often, has little to do with physical proximity, and everything to do with emotional connectivity.
I was thinking about all this this morning as I made my Friday-morning trek back to Galveston from Lake Jackson. There, I'm part of the group, but skirting around the margins, unable to fully engage simply because I'm not always physically around. Here, I'm around most of the time, but not always on the same plane mentally or emotionally.
It's a strange dichotomy, and yet one that I see great opportunity in. In the midst of my struggle to become connected on every level, I find myself failing and learning to find strength in myself and, more importantly, in God.
I have no doubt that His hand led me to Texas, and opened doors to a home, and friends, and a solid church. In some ways, it was too easy. It all happened quickly and smoothly, without any real opportunity for me to seek Him, to beg Him, to depend on Him.
Now, in this funny in-between state, the tables have shifted. My physical needs are still met, but I crave the spiritual link I had in LJ, where I shared life with people of similar mind and heart.
Right now I'm tottering about on my own, having had my spiritual crutch of good friends removed.
It's lonely here. And that's okay. It forces me to look past others to something Bigger.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39
And, even when I feel crummy and whiney (which is often, let's face it):
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
Love from TX,
c.jo
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
No more adulthood, please.
I got two bits of new this week that make me want to turn in my driver's license, credit cards, and license to be an adult and return to the bliss of childhood:*
1) My grandpa's getting married.
I should be happy for him, I know. That's what good granddaughters do. But it's so hard for me to accept, when I think of my grandmother and grieve for her so often, even two years after her death. Perhaps, in some ways, I'm also grieving for the life I had back then.
2) My dad is *probably* losing his job.
It's been back and forth, up and down, and around the corner for months, and even years. At this point, its probably just going to happen. I know I don't live at home anymore, and so in many ways, that news doesn't affect me. But it means that my rock of stability that, even as a 20-something adult, I lean on will be shaken. And in Michigan's poopy economy, I have no idea what will happen. I fear for them, for the decisions and struggles that they face.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
(Please pray for my family.)
*Okay, not quite. The memorable years of childhood (as opposed to prepubescence and adolescence) were marked by my parents' divorced years. I'm much happier with them together.
1) My grandpa's getting married.
I should be happy for him, I know. That's what good granddaughters do. But it's so hard for me to accept, when I think of my grandmother and grieve for her so often, even two years after her death. Perhaps, in some ways, I'm also grieving for the life I had back then.
2) My dad is *probably* losing his job.
It's been back and forth, up and down, and around the corner for months, and even years. At this point, its probably just going to happen. I know I don't live at home anymore, and so in many ways, that news doesn't affect me. But it means that my rock of stability that, even as a 20-something adult, I lean on will be shaken. And in Michigan's poopy economy, I have no idea what will happen. I fear for them, for the decisions and struggles that they face.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
(Please pray for my family.)
*Okay, not quite. The memorable years of childhood (as opposed to prepubescence and adolescence) were marked by my parents' divorced years. I'm much happier with them together.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Lunch Fail.
I had leftovers from last week in the fridge. I heated up my artichoke pizza only to discover that a meal I was only luke-warm on the first time around was kind of gross the second time several days later. I threw it out and opened the fridge again.
The second alternative, a rather boring "let's just throw a few veggies on bread and add mayo and cheese so that we have a vegetarian option" sandwich, didn't hold any more promise, especially when I noticed the once-green, now-brown avocado. Ick.
That went into the trash too.
I opened the other fridge. They had lasagna on Sunday evening, and there was supposedly a lot left. A lot has dwindled to ONE PIECE. One sad, lonely piece of lasagna that looked at me with its tomatoey self and said "I am meat, I am cheese, and I am little else."
I told Luke there was one piece left (which he ran for) and grabbed my car keys.
I'm going to chalk this up to the fact that I've only actually LIVED on the island two and a half weeks, but I don't think I had realized how incredibly LOOOOOOONG the seawall is. My office is at one end of it. McAllister's Deli, which I decided that I wanted food from, is apparently on the other end. Which I would know if I had any sense of distance whatsoever.
I didn't make it. I pulled off to get Mediterranean instead. And then drove back to my office, suddenly realizing just how far I'd traveled in my high-maintenance quest for food. The food was good, but it was far. For reals.
Overall lunchtime fail.
Much love from Texas,
CtotheAtotheRtotheOtotheJo!
The second alternative, a rather boring "let's just throw a few veggies on bread and add mayo and cheese so that we have a vegetarian option" sandwich, didn't hold any more promise, especially when I noticed the once-green, now-brown avocado. Ick.
That went into the trash too.
I opened the other fridge. They had lasagna on Sunday evening, and there was supposedly a lot left. A lot has dwindled to ONE PIECE. One sad, lonely piece of lasagna that looked at me with its tomatoey self and said "I am meat, I am cheese, and I am little else."
I told Luke there was one piece left (which he ran for) and grabbed my car keys.
I'm going to chalk this up to the fact that I've only actually LIVED on the island two and a half weeks, but I don't think I had realized how incredibly LOOOOOOONG the seawall is. My office is at one end of it. McAllister's Deli, which I decided that I wanted food from, is apparently on the other end. Which I would know if I had any sense of distance whatsoever.
I didn't make it. I pulled off to get Mediterranean instead. And then drove back to my office, suddenly realizing just how far I'd traveled in my high-maintenance quest for food. The food was good, but it was far. For reals.
Overall lunchtime fail.
Much love from Texas,
CtotheAtotheRtotheOtotheJo!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Life Lessons.
Thus far, 2009 has been a year of learning. Mostly about myself. About what I'm capable of, about how I react to situations I face. About who I truly am, who I've been hiding, and who I want to be at the end of it all. Most of the introspection has been informal: some little thing flips a switch and the light bulb floating above my head clicks on. Some of it has been more formalized: taking a test (a real test, not a facebook meme), the results of which make me say, "Holy cow, I think the people who wrote this have been standing in my living room watching me for the past 23.5 years!"
It's been interesting and enlightening both.
Also, typing 23.5 just made me feel really old. My apologies to those with more years than I...I simply can't figure out how I got to this age. I was just 15 yesterday, right?
It's been interesting and enlightening both.
Also, typing 23.5 just made me feel really old. My apologies to those with more years than I...I simply can't figure out how I got to this age. I was just 15 yesterday, right?
Saturday, September 12, 2009
It's raining.
It has been for a few days now. Nonstop. Pouring at times. Thunderstorms occasionally.
This is good because:
1) We've been in a drought for nearly a year. Apparently Lake Travis up by Austin is 50 feet below where it should be. The land neeeeeds the rain.
2) I just love rain. I love the soothing sounds it makes when it hits the roof. I love snuggling up cozy in my bed and falling asleep to it.
3) It's a great excuse to lay around all day. Right now I'm on the couch with the dog ignoring the TV because Maggie has Television ADD and I can't handle the constant switching. There's a puppy at my feet and cupcakes in the kitchen. Life doesn't get much better than this.
4) I pulled out a hoodie last night for the first time in four months. FOUR MONTHS. I love wearing hoodies, and I couldn't because I live in Texas and IT'S HOT AS HADES here. The high today is only 82. I'm not even sure I remember what 82 degrees feels like.
However, the rain is bad because:
1) It's raining IN THE HOUSE. In Luke's room, specifically. Under his doorway is a city of buckets that forms the capital of towel-land. We switch the towels out and empty the buckets regularly. And yet it keeps on coming.
2) We might flood. For reals. Not like a storm-surge-type flood. But streets with several inches of water in them.
3) I kind of want to go for a run. But it's icky.
Ooh, more thunder.
This is good because:
1) We've been in a drought for nearly a year. Apparently Lake Travis up by Austin is 50 feet below where it should be. The land neeeeeds the rain.
2) I just love rain. I love the soothing sounds it makes when it hits the roof. I love snuggling up cozy in my bed and falling asleep to it.
3) It's a great excuse to lay around all day. Right now I'm on the couch with the dog ignoring the TV because Maggie has Television ADD and I can't handle the constant switching. There's a puppy at my feet and cupcakes in the kitchen. Life doesn't get much better than this.
4) I pulled out a hoodie last night for the first time in four months. FOUR MONTHS. I love wearing hoodies, and I couldn't because I live in Texas and IT'S HOT AS HADES here. The high today is only 82. I'm not even sure I remember what 82 degrees feels like.
However, the rain is bad because:
1) It's raining IN THE HOUSE. In Luke's room, specifically. Under his doorway is a city of buckets that forms the capital of towel-land. We switch the towels out and empty the buckets regularly. And yet it keeps on coming.
2) We might flood. For reals. Not like a storm-surge-type flood. But streets with several inches of water in them.
3) I kind of want to go for a run. But it's icky.
Ooh, more thunder.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Napping Carolyn = Happy Carolyn.
All I wanted this afternoon was a nap.
But Maggie woke me up twice. Once unintentionally; she found out she's been reinstated to grooms(wo)man in a friend's wedding and has to wear a long red dress. I had just fallen asleep when a distraught "Carolyn!" was bellowed up the stairs. The second time was intentional; she wanted me to move my stuff so she could have the washing machine. She was a little gentler with round two, but I still threw a flip flop at her. I got up, looked at the machines, motioned (not spoke...I wasn't to a word-friendly awakeness yet) for her to just move it, and fell back on my bed.
I slept for two hours. And it was good.
I've had a lot on my mind the last few days, besides running around Galveston and Lake Jackson (and Pearland, actually) with friends and putting the final touches on my move. Some things that have happened lately have given me the opportunity to examine my own heart, my own motives, my own life. Little things, and yet they spark many more moments of self-inquiry and reflection.
I have a lot to learn about life, and a lot to learn about me.
Right now, though, I just need to finish cleaning the kitchen.
Much love from Texas.
But Maggie woke me up twice. Once unintentionally; she found out she's been reinstated to grooms(wo)man in a friend's wedding and has to wear a long red dress. I had just fallen asleep when a distraught "Carolyn!" was bellowed up the stairs. The second time was intentional; she wanted me to move my stuff so she could have the washing machine. She was a little gentler with round two, but I still threw a flip flop at her. I got up, looked at the machines, motioned (not spoke...I wasn't to a word-friendly awakeness yet) for her to just move it, and fell back on my bed.
I slept for two hours. And it was good.
I've had a lot on my mind the last few days, besides running around Galveston and Lake Jackson (and Pearland, actually) with friends and putting the final touches on my move. Some things that have happened lately have given me the opportunity to examine my own heart, my own motives, my own life. Little things, and yet they spark many more moments of self-inquiry and reflection.
I have a lot to learn about life, and a lot to learn about me.
Right now, though, I just need to finish cleaning the kitchen.
Much love from Texas.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Things have changed.
I'm sure to do a post on the curveballs of my life soon, but there are certain people I need to tell first. I don't like my close friends finding out major happenings via my blog.
Much love from Texas,
Carolyn
Much love from Texas,
Carolyn
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
His name is Erwin.
I shared my bathroom with a gecko this morning. I was in the shower when I saw him scurry across the back of the tub. I may have screeched a bit. He hid behind my lotion bottle, then tucked himself next to the tub. After a minute or so he disappeared, but he popped up again a couple of times while I was getting ready for the day. I was going to help him find his way back outside, but he didn't like that idea, so I resolved myself to having a roommate and named him Erwin.
Erwin came into my life just following a funk-breaking, early-morning run. We did 34 minutes, of which I walked no more than 6. I think...I intended to reset the watch after the 5-minute warm-up walk, but I may have not actually done it. It was dang early and DARK. So whether it was 23 minutes or 28, I RAN MORE THAN 10 MINUTES. And that's the important thing here.
Though I still find myself in the category of "that girl." You know, the one who can't quite keep up. Who'd rather sit on the sidelines than huff and puff her way around the field. I've caught up to where Jen and Lauren were 3 weeks ago, but they're still ahead of me, and that's aggravating. Athletics have never been my strong suit, but I don't come in last (in ANYTHING) easily.
Oh, hello competitive nature. Where have you been all my life?
Erwin came into my life just following a funk-breaking, early-morning run. We did 34 minutes, of which I walked no more than 6. I think...I intended to reset the watch after the 5-minute warm-up walk, but I may have not actually done it. It was dang early and DARK. So whether it was 23 minutes or 28, I RAN MORE THAN 10 MINUTES. And that's the important thing here.
Though I still find myself in the category of "that girl." You know, the one who can't quite keep up. Who'd rather sit on the sidelines than huff and puff her way around the field. I've caught up to where Jen and Lauren were 3 weeks ago, but they're still ahead of me, and that's aggravating. Athletics have never been my strong suit, but I don't come in last (in ANYTHING) easily.
Oh, hello competitive nature. Where have you been all my life?
Monday, August 24, 2009
Have you ever had...
...one of those light bulb moments when suddenly that one thing that you've been thinking about suddenly comes into focus, and you understand it like never before?
I just had one.
I'm always late. Always. I typically have a really good excuse for it. Sometimes it's really not my fault. Most often it is. Sometimes I'm late by a few minutes, sometimes by much, much more.
There are a lot of factors that play into this -- my habitual messiness makes finding keys, sunglasses, and cell phones nearly impossible at times, traffic and construction impede travel but rest outside of my control, other delays of my own making push my arrival past timeliness.
I will say this, though (this is the light bulb): There is a certain part of being late that I enjoy. It prevents me from standing around awkwardly waiting for something to start. And it draws the attention to me when I walk in a room.
And yet, tardiness impedes efficiency, garners frustration in others, and prevents the formation of an effective working environment. It tells those waiting that I don't value their time, or even them as a person/friend/colleague. It leaves me tense and apologetic, others tense and aggravated. It shows lack of responsibility, lack of discipline, lack of dependability.
To make it worse, I'm often quick to become frustrated when others don't respect my time and arrive late to our meet-ups (Oh, look! There's a very large log in my eye!).
I've made a commitment to myself to change. Admittedly, I failed my first test: arriving at work on time this morning. I chose frugality and timeliness over buying/making my lunch (I brought leftover fish...which I got yesterday only because we were at a seafood restaurant with a seafood-only menu...blah), but I didn't account for the school traffic that I KNEW would be an issue.
BUT it's still a step in the right direction. And, as they keep saying at BPF (I'm pretty excited for the series we started yesterday), Direction, not intention, determines destination.
I just had one.
I'm always late. Always. I typically have a really good excuse for it. Sometimes it's really not my fault. Most often it is. Sometimes I'm late by a few minutes, sometimes by much, much more.
There are a lot of factors that play into this -- my habitual messiness makes finding keys, sunglasses, and cell phones nearly impossible at times, traffic and construction impede travel but rest outside of my control, other delays of my own making push my arrival past timeliness.
I will say this, though (this is the light bulb): There is a certain part of being late that I enjoy. It prevents me from standing around awkwardly waiting for something to start. And it draws the attention to me when I walk in a room.
And yet, tardiness impedes efficiency, garners frustration in others, and prevents the formation of an effective working environment. It tells those waiting that I don't value their time, or even them as a person/friend/colleague. It leaves me tense and apologetic, others tense and aggravated. It shows lack of responsibility, lack of discipline, lack of dependability.
To make it worse, I'm often quick to become frustrated when others don't respect my time and arrive late to our meet-ups (Oh, look! There's a very large log in my eye!).
I've made a commitment to myself to change. Admittedly, I failed my first test: arriving at work on time this morning. I chose frugality and timeliness over buying/making my lunch (I brought leftover fish...which I got yesterday only because we were at a seafood restaurant with a seafood-only menu...blah), but I didn't account for the school traffic that I KNEW would be an issue.
BUT it's still a step in the right direction. And, as they keep saying at BPF (I'm pretty excited for the series we started yesterday), Direction, not intention, determines destination.
Friday, August 21, 2009
The area under my desk...
...would be a great place for a nap. Seriously. Despite my best efforts, I didn't sleep well last night. And because Betty is off today, there's not even a pot of coffee to rouse me.
Blech.
Blech.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I really wanted to go...
...shopping yesterday. It's back-to-school time, and there are sales EVERYWHERE. Or so I hear. And yet I have just 10 days left in my self-imposed two-month shopping moratorium. I've broken it only three times. Wait, four:
1) Evil wedding shoes that hurt my feet two minutes into the ceremony. Thank God they're not Catholic (Wedding-related. Doesn't count).
2) Two sparkly scarves from Rue 21. I spent a total of $3.00, including tax. Does count. My first and and major tsk tsk.
3) Earrings and a T-shirt from the Daraja Children's Choir of Africa. It supports their amazing ministry, so it doesn't really count, right? Right?
4) Yellow clutch for the wedding (which I LOVE LOVE LOVE and will actually use again...even though it was the cheapest thing I bought for the event. Go figure). I used a Target gift card, and it's wedding-related, so it also doesn't count, right?
Oops, six times:
6) A pair of jeans from Plato's Closet (DKNY for only $18.00!). But I sold two pair back first, so they really only cost me six...okay, fine. Tsk tsk.
5) A silver chain (wedding-related...doesn't count!) and a silver flower ring (not wedding-related, but for which I ALSO used "fake" money via a gift card...doesn't count?).
All in all, I'd say I've done really well. Not shopping has forced me to look at the things I own and reevaluate. Rather than buying a new pair of pants, I'll just hem the one I own. And FINALLY make that skirt I've been working on for ages. And pair that top with that skirt, even though I'd never thought to do it before.
Not having my credit cards at my disposal is really changing my outlook too. If I spend my grocery money on shoes, I don't have a convenient plastic card to pick up the tab. Even more, when funds are limited, you start to place greater value on the things you already own.
Strangely enough, I think I might prefer it this way.
1) Evil wedding shoes that hurt my feet two minutes into the ceremony. Thank God they're not Catholic (Wedding-related. Doesn't count).
2) Two sparkly scarves from Rue 21. I spent a total of $3.00, including tax. Does count. My first and and major tsk tsk.
3) Earrings and a T-shirt from the Daraja Children's Choir of Africa. It supports their amazing ministry, so it doesn't really count, right? Right?
4) Yellow clutch for the wedding (which I LOVE LOVE LOVE and will actually use again...even though it was the cheapest thing I bought for the event. Go figure). I used a Target gift card, and it's wedding-related, so it also doesn't count, right?
Oops, six times:
6) A pair of jeans from Plato's Closet (DKNY for only $18.00!). But I sold two pair back first, so they really only cost me six...okay, fine. Tsk tsk.
5) A silver chain (wedding-related...doesn't count!) and a silver flower ring (not wedding-related, but for which I ALSO used "fake" money via a gift card...doesn't count?).
All in all, I'd say I've done really well. Not shopping has forced me to look at the things I own and reevaluate. Rather than buying a new pair of pants, I'll just hem the one I own. And FINALLY make that skirt I've been working on for ages. And pair that top with that skirt, even though I'd never thought to do it before.
Not having my credit cards at my disposal is really changing my outlook too. If I spend my grocery money on shoes, I don't have a convenient plastic card to pick up the tab. Even more, when funds are limited, you start to place greater value on the things you already own.
Strangely enough, I think I might prefer it this way.
Most of my CD's...
...are stashed in a box in a storage unit in Michigan. Thanks to the wonderful and tiny technology of mp3 players, it's no longer necessary to haul a bunch of plastic discs around. I still kept a few in my car for a long time, but then my CD player decided to overheat and self-destruct, so that stopped too.
Nonetheless, I managed to grab a handful of CDs this morning as I headed out the door. I get maybe one non-Country radio station in on my little clock radio at work, and the constant repeat (I think I've heard Seal's Kiss From a Rose half a million times in the past two days) starts to really bug me after a while.
In my stash are several Contemporary Christian artists (Jars of Clay, Relient K, Shawn McDonald, Jeremy Camp, Smalltown Poets), one Eric Clapton disc, and the Daraja Children's Choir of Africa, bought straight from the source at their recent BPF concert.
Seeing as I have little real work to do, I've been working my way through the stack and thinking about "Christian" music. It has a bad reputation, and I'm not one to always defend it. Some of it is good, even great. But some of it really is bad (really really bad). Unfortunately, stringing Jesus throughout your lyrics doesn't automatically unleash God's blessing of superhuman talent (despite what some folks think).
When it comes to my music, I like what I like. Sometimes I have reasons, and sometimes I don't. I like some "Christian" music. I like some "secular" music.
But I don't like modern worship music. It's fine, and it works for congregational singing. I've even been moved beyond understanding by it. But to listen to? No no no. Please give me something else. Please please please PLEASE.
The Daraja CD is all modern worship. It really isn't music I love. Listening to it today, it invoked good memories of beautiful children and their joy for God. But it didn't do much otherwise.
Except, just possibly, shift my focus.
I love classic rock, but it will never do for me what one worship song can. Even if you hate the lyrics, hate the melody, hate the endless repetition (oy...and some churches are REALLY good at that part), you can't deny that it shifts your focus. It reminds you about God -- if it didn't, it wouldn't be much of a worship song, right?
I can listen to sappy love songs all day (I really am a hopeless romantic), but all they do is remind me that I'm single. They remind me of what I hope for. In any case, they're about me.
Even a lot of Christian music is inwardly focused. It's about the experience of the songwriter, as a Christ-follower and as a human. And when I listen to it, I compare my own experiences. I relate. And I think about me.
Worship music -- whether it's the stuff you hear and sing along to on Sunday, or it's that one song on a CD that just drops you to your knees -- is about GOD (okay, there are some "worship" songs that are all, "Hey, God, bless me!" but I'm not talking about those...that's a whole separate issue). It's about putting me on hold and taking a moment to remember that it's about Him, not about me.
That's important: it really isn't about me. Or you. Or any of us.
It's all about Him.
Nonetheless, I managed to grab a handful of CDs this morning as I headed out the door. I get maybe one non-Country radio station in on my little clock radio at work, and the constant repeat (I think I've heard Seal's Kiss From a Rose half a million times in the past two days) starts to really bug me after a while.
In my stash are several Contemporary Christian artists (Jars of Clay, Relient K, Shawn McDonald, Jeremy Camp, Smalltown Poets), one Eric Clapton disc, and the Daraja Children's Choir of Africa, bought straight from the source at their recent BPF concert.
Seeing as I have little real work to do, I've been working my way through the stack and thinking about "Christian" music. It has a bad reputation, and I'm not one to always defend it. Some of it is good, even great. But some of it really is bad (really really bad). Unfortunately, stringing Jesus throughout your lyrics doesn't automatically unleash God's blessing of superhuman talent (despite what some folks think).
When it comes to my music, I like what I like. Sometimes I have reasons, and sometimes I don't. I like some "Christian" music. I like some "secular" music.
But I don't like modern worship music. It's fine, and it works for congregational singing. I've even been moved beyond understanding by it. But to listen to? No no no. Please give me something else. Please please please PLEASE.
The Daraja CD is all modern worship. It really isn't music I love. Listening to it today, it invoked good memories of beautiful children and their joy for God. But it didn't do much otherwise.
Except, just possibly, shift my focus.
I love classic rock, but it will never do for me what one worship song can. Even if you hate the lyrics, hate the melody, hate the endless repetition (oy...and some churches are REALLY good at that part), you can't deny that it shifts your focus. It reminds you about God -- if it didn't, it wouldn't be much of a worship song, right?
I can listen to sappy love songs all day (I really am a hopeless romantic), but all they do is remind me that I'm single. They remind me of what I hope for. In any case, they're about me.
Even a lot of Christian music is inwardly focused. It's about the experience of the songwriter, as a Christ-follower and as a human. And when I listen to it, I compare my own experiences. I relate. And I think about me.
Worship music -- whether it's the stuff you hear and sing along to on Sunday, or it's that one song on a CD that just drops you to your knees -- is about GOD (okay, there are some "worship" songs that are all, "Hey, God, bless me!" but I'm not talking about those...that's a whole separate issue). It's about putting me on hold and taking a moment to remember that it's about Him, not about me.
That's important: it really isn't about me. Or you. Or any of us.
It's all about Him.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I don't want to be the person...
...who is never content. I feel a bit like that today.
My job status is up in the air, as my supervisors are looking at options for my last six months of service. Two months ago I sounded the alarm of "I'm doing too much!" Two weeks ago, I ran across the room, and rang a different bell: "There's nothing for me to do!"
I wrote the following as part of my monthly report, hoping to make them understand my situation:
I know this isn’t a quarterly report, and so I don’t have to provide a narrative on challenges or accomplishments, or even just stories about the people we’re helping. Yet as I complete this report, I’m struggling to answer questions 7 & 8 ["What were the challenges of last month?" and "What are your priorities in the coming month?" respectively.]above. In the interest of transparency and honesty, my response requires more than a few bland lines.
A month ago, as I wrote my then-required narrative, I talked of hope and of determination. Of looking your challenges in the eye and overcoming them. Though I knew it would not be easy, I had resolved myself to continue in the work I committed to in February.
At the time, I was learning to balance the pressures of my position with the expectations I, and others, were placing on me. I was coming fresh off of long conversations about my actual (rather than my practiced) role with the BC-LTRC, and still figuring out how I fit. Just a couple of weeks beforehand, I had been ready to chuck it all – to give up and walk away. But I forced myself to be patient, to wait a little longer and see how things played out. And then I chose to stay.
The past month, however, has brought a whole new set of challenges. The tables have turned, and rather than being overwhelmed, I’m underwhelmed. Rather than having too much to do, I have too little to fill my hours.
The Committee has chosen to settle into relative dormancy – there is quite a bit of funding for Unmet Needs available, should any case managers need to access it. And construction has all but ceased, with the promise of CDBG funds coming into the county in the near future. The County Office of Community Development will distribute these funds, with little to no participation by the Committee.
Caught in this spiral of inactivity, I don’t feel that I’m contributing to positive outcomes in the county or even gaining anything of value from the continued experience. Some of the objectives of my position (community development, volunteer coordination) are impossible to achieve without the engagement and continued activity of the Committee. Other, more definite, objectives (compiling forms & procedures, participating in hurricane preparedness events) have been accomplished to the best of my ability. In my last quarterly review, [my supervisor] asked me to outline some of my goals for my year of service. I haven’t done it yet; I can’t even figure out what my priorities for the month are, let alone the year.
I wish I had more definite answers to the questions above. I wish I could simply provide a list of things to work on and to accomplish, and then spend my month fervently checking each item off as complete. Perhaps frustration has left me short-sighted. Perhaps there is more that I can be doing or another way of approaching the situation that I simply can’t see from here. Right now, I’m simply not sure where I’m standing, or what my next move is.
On a side note, I went home to Michigan last week. It was exhausting and lovely.
My job status is up in the air, as my supervisors are looking at options for my last six months of service. Two months ago I sounded the alarm of "I'm doing too much!" Two weeks ago, I ran across the room, and rang a different bell: "There's nothing for me to do!"
I wrote the following as part of my monthly report, hoping to make them understand my situation:
I know this isn’t a quarterly report, and so I don’t have to provide a narrative on challenges or accomplishments, or even just stories about the people we’re helping. Yet as I complete this report, I’m struggling to answer questions 7 & 8 ["What were the challenges of last month?" and "What are your priorities in the coming month?" respectively.]above. In the interest of transparency and honesty, my response requires more than a few bland lines.
A month ago, as I wrote my then-required narrative, I talked of hope and of determination. Of looking your challenges in the eye and overcoming them. Though I knew it would not be easy, I had resolved myself to continue in the work I committed to in February.
At the time, I was learning to balance the pressures of my position with the expectations I, and others, were placing on me. I was coming fresh off of long conversations about my actual (rather than my practiced) role with the BC-LTRC, and still figuring out how I fit. Just a couple of weeks beforehand, I had been ready to chuck it all – to give up and walk away. But I forced myself to be patient, to wait a little longer and see how things played out. And then I chose to stay.
The past month, however, has brought a whole new set of challenges. The tables have turned, and rather than being overwhelmed, I’m underwhelmed. Rather than having too much to do, I have too little to fill my hours.
The Committee has chosen to settle into relative dormancy – there is quite a bit of funding for Unmet Needs available, should any case managers need to access it. And construction has all but ceased, with the promise of CDBG funds coming into the county in the near future. The County Office of Community Development will distribute these funds, with little to no participation by the Committee.
Caught in this spiral of inactivity, I don’t feel that I’m contributing to positive outcomes in the county or even gaining anything of value from the continued experience. Some of the objectives of my position (community development, volunteer coordination) are impossible to achieve without the engagement and continued activity of the Committee. Other, more definite, objectives (compiling forms & procedures, participating in hurricane preparedness events) have been accomplished to the best of my ability. In my last quarterly review, [my supervisor] asked me to outline some of my goals for my year of service. I haven’t done it yet; I can’t even figure out what my priorities for the month are, let alone the year.
I wish I had more definite answers to the questions above. I wish I could simply provide a list of things to work on and to accomplish, and then spend my month fervently checking each item off as complete. Perhaps frustration has left me short-sighted. Perhaps there is more that I can be doing or another way of approaching the situation that I simply can’t see from here. Right now, I’m simply not sure where I’m standing, or what my next move is.
On a side note, I went home to Michigan last week. It was exhausting and lovely.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I ran...
...2.22 miles in 25 minutes last night.
Our 5K is in 3.5 weeks...I'll be so ready you could stick a fork in me. My goal is all three miles in 30 minutes. I've got a little work to do to pick up the pace, but the time to do it. More sleep and less donuts (I was weak...I stopped at Shipley today) would help too. ;)
This is it: Beneezy Purple Monkey Fun Run
Lauren and I are going to run it together, and then we'll immediately start our 1/2 Marathon training. I can't believe I'm actually at this point!
Our 5K is in 3.5 weeks...I'll be so ready you could stick a fork in me. My goal is all three miles in 30 minutes. I've got a little work to do to pick up the pace, but the time to do it. More sleep and less donuts (I was weak...I stopped at Shipley today) would help too. ;)
This is it: Beneezy Purple Monkey Fun Run
Lauren and I are going to run it together, and then we'll immediately start our 1/2 Marathon training. I can't believe I'm actually at this point!
Friday, August 7, 2009
I will not be a slave...
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
I still can't believe it's....
...August already. Wasn't it just January? Wasn't I just turning 23 and preparing to embark on a journey into the world?
Right now I'm seriously on the verge of falling asleep at my desk.
Right now I'm seriously on the verge of falling asleep at my desk.
I already owe a dollar...
...in my little experiment. And those are just the times that I caught myself (or Lauren caught me. She was all too happy to "help" out).
In other news, I stayed up until 2:30am (maybe closer to 3?) last night. I blame my teacher friends who have nothing to do and nowhere to be in the summer. Though I may have instigated some of the madness, which included The Breakfast Club, cinnamon rolls, and pillow fights. This morning I rolled off of Amy and Lauren's couch at 6:15ish and dragged myself home to get ready for work. My normal route changed a tad, as I decided Hastings was a necessary stop for caffeine before the workday began.
Before the movie and craziness, Lauren and I ran two miles last night. Then we got excited and started looking up races for after the 5K we're planning for September. We both want to run a marathon someday, and decided that we might as well do it somewhere fun. We're shooting for Rome, Paris, or the Gold Coast (Australia) in 2011. We figure that we might as well make a vacation out of it. Amy's in for the trip, though maybe not the run.
Hi, my name is Carolyn, and I'm a recovering couch potato.
(Also, my apologies for the rambly weirdness of this post. I haven't had enough sleep to clean it up or make it entertaining. Much love.)
In other news, I stayed up until 2:30am (maybe closer to 3?) last night. I blame my teacher friends who have nothing to do and nowhere to be in the summer. Though I may have instigated some of the madness, which included The Breakfast Club, cinnamon rolls, and pillow fights. This morning I rolled off of Amy and Lauren's couch at 6:15ish and dragged myself home to get ready for work. My normal route changed a tad, as I decided Hastings was a necessary stop for caffeine before the workday began.
Before the movie and craziness, Lauren and I ran two miles last night. Then we got excited and started looking up races for after the 5K we're planning for September. We both want to run a marathon someday, and decided that we might as well do it somewhere fun. We're shooting for Rome, Paris, or the Gold Coast (Australia) in 2011. We figure that we might as well make a vacation out of it. Amy's in for the trip, though maybe not the run.
Hi, my name is Carolyn, and I'm a recovering couch potato.
(Also, my apologies for the rambly weirdness of this post. I haven't had enough sleep to clean it up or make it entertaining. Much love.)
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I often warn people...
...that I don't have a filter. I don't swear much or say inappropriate things. But I'm sarcastic and quick to speak. My thoughts regularly roll off my tongue before I can consider their impact. I seldom speak with ill-intention, and yet my words can be cutting, especially to those who aren't used to me.
I don't want people to have to get used to me to like me. I don't want to hurt people with my words. I don't want to hide my heart behind sarcasm. I don't want to use wit and humor as a constant ply for attention.
And I really really really don't want sarcasm to be the first thing people think of when they think of me.
Thus, I'm launching a grand experiment: One week. No sarcasm. A fee of a dime for each time I slip. Payable to...the offering plate at church.
And.....go!
I don't want people to have to get used to me to like me. I don't want to hurt people with my words. I don't want to hide my heart behind sarcasm. I don't want to use wit and humor as a constant ply for attention.
And I really really really don't want sarcasm to be the first thing people think of when they think of me.
Thus, I'm launching a grand experiment: One week. No sarcasm. A fee of a dime for each time I slip. Payable to...the offering plate at church.
And.....go!
Monday, August 3, 2009
I guess saying all I did...
...this weekend was sew isn't fully true. I also had my heart opened for the nation of Bolivia, a place I know nothing about. At all.
All I did...
...this weekend was sew. It was fantastic, though tiring.
And all I want to do right now is sew. I'd far rather be at home than here at my desk. I'd rather be piecing fabric together than stringing together a plan for the BC-LTRC in a disaster.
In 6 hours and 18 minutes, I'll be there.
And all I want to do right now is sew. I'd far rather be at home than here at my desk. I'd rather be piecing fabric together than stringing together a plan for the BC-LTRC in a disaster.
In 6 hours and 18 minutes, I'll be there.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
I can't tell you...
...how blessed I am. Right now I'm sitting out on the deck. It's a beautiful day -- hot, but not unpleasant. It's about 86 degrees right now, with a projected high of 94. It would be a perfect day for the beach.
Last night Josie, Omar, and Andy came over from Galveston to hang out and play in the pool. They were amazed at my house -- I'm still amazed at my house. We got dinner (Fuddrucker's, in response to Andy's demand for a burger and a milkshake), played in the pool, relaxed in the hot tub, and all fell asleep around midnight. All in all, a great night. They left just a little while ago, and now I'm thinking about all the things I could do today.
The pool house is clean already....the doors of potential are wide open!
Last night Josie, Omar, and Andy came over from Galveston to hang out and play in the pool. They were amazed at my house -- I'm still amazed at my house. We got dinner (Fuddrucker's, in response to Andy's demand for a burger and a milkshake), played in the pool, relaxed in the hot tub, and all fell asleep around midnight. All in all, a great night. They left just a little while ago, and now I'm thinking about all the things I could do today.
The pool house is clean already....the doors of potential are wide open!
Friday, July 24, 2009
I heart...
...Panera. One of the perks of traveling for work today. Thank goodness my mileage check is going to be big. Eating out is a luxury nowadays...or ought to be. It's on my list.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Dear Eve,
I really wish you hadn't bitten that piece of fruit in the Garden of Eden all those years ago. I realize that the serpent is a slimy yet winning creature with the ability to make us do things that we shouldn't -- he's done it to me more times than I can count. My own failings aside, I'd like to note that your disobedience is directly correlated to the pain I now feel. Remember all that "pain in childbirth and woman will crush his head" stuff? Yeah, that's your fault. I'm certainly not in childbirth now...but my body is ridding itself of the potential for another month. And dang it, it hurts.
As my elder, I should respect you. I've never been one to follow the rules exactly, and I'm shaking my fist at you instead.
Love, your great^infinity granddaughter,
Carolyn
As my elder, I should respect you. I've never been one to follow the rules exactly, and I'm shaking my fist at you instead.
Love, your great^infinity granddaughter,
Carolyn
Friday, July 17, 2009
Oh yeah, and....
...I got my tragus pierced. This is what happens when you're not in a great mood, and you get talked into going with friends who are getting their noses pierced. I'm not really a nose-piercing kind of girl, but in a spurt of bravery and spontaneity, I gained a hole as well.*
If you ever have it done, just be warned: You can hear the needle crunching through skin and cartilage. Other than that, it's not too bad.
The tattooed arm belongs to our big, burly piercer who was more than happy to have six girls come traipsing into his shop late on a Thursday evening. He was great, and if I ever decide to do anything crazy like have eyeliner tattooed on, he's totally my man.
*Despite the lack of wisdom and the delayed-onset regret that can often accompany this frame of mind, I'm actually really happy with the decision. I like my new sparkle.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I'm mad.
Mad at Northwest Airlines for wanting to charge me $150 so some kid can push a few buttons.
Mad at Access flight insurance for only paying for my changed flight if I'm on my deathbed.
And mad at myself for not realizing three weeks after moving to Texas just how desperately homesick I'd be four months later.
Mad at Access flight insurance for only paying for my changed flight if I'm on my deathbed.
And mad at myself for not realizing three weeks after moving to Texas just how desperately homesick I'd be four months later.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I promised photos, yes...
...I did. So here they are:
The tea strainer is snug in its bed, though it seems to have had a bit of an oopsy-doo:
Oh, bedtime leaks are no good. Unless you're a tea strainer and we're talking about leaking herbal goodness.
Alas,without warning, the slumbering tea strainer is plunged into the not-quite-steamy microwaved water:
...
...
...
This is the part where we break from the action to allow the leaves to steep. Nothing exciting is happening. I could sing you a song?
...
...
...
And then, with a dramatic POP of the strainer doohickey disappearing once again, we can announce with a fluorish:
Ladies and gentlemen, we have TEA!
Okay, I'm a nerd. Don't hold it against me.
The tea strainer is snug in its bed, though it seems to have had a bit of an oopsy-doo:
Oh, bedtime leaks are no good. Unless you're a tea strainer and we're talking about leaking herbal goodness.
Alas,without warning, the slumbering tea strainer is plunged into the not-quite-steamy microwaved water:
...
...
...
This is the part where we break from the action to allow the leaves to steep. Nothing exciting is happening. I could sing you a song?
...
...
...
And then, with a dramatic POP of the strainer doohickey disappearing once again, we can announce with a fluorish:
Ladies and gentlemen, we have TEA!
Okay, I'm a nerd. Don't hold it against me.
Monday, July 13, 2009
I bought myself a new...
...mug last night. That's not a clothing item, a shoe, or an accessory, right?
I was at Kroger doing my grocery shopping, and wanted a particular kind of tea, Yerba Mate, for its metabolic stimulant and antioxidant qualities. They only had it in loose-leaf. So I bought the full one-pound bag of fair-trade tea for just $5.00. I have a tea kettle I can use to steep the leaves.
Except I have NO IDEA where it is. Probably in Michigan, which is a danger when your stuff is strewn across two far-flung states.
So I went to Target. I needed a new travel mug anyway, as the lid to my Bellevue Baptist mug has died with no hope of resurrection. That cup held so many memories. I got it on my way to Mississippi for Hurricane Relief Round 1 more than three years ago.
Moving on. I found the travel mug and a tea strainer ($3 for the ball, $10.00 for the mug) and was just deciding on aesthetics (style and color are VERY important), when I saw it...
A marvel of drink engineering: The Aladdin Tea Infuser Mug.
Inside the lid is a tea cage. It stays tucked in its cozy home until you push down on the lever, plunging it into the hot water and disbursing rich herbal flavor throughout the mug. When the tea is strong enough, POP! Flip the lever back up and the built-in strainer hides under the lid again, out of the reaches of the now-perfect tea.
It was $15.00 -- more than both of the other pieces combined -- but how could I resist its brilliancy, it's simple-yet-sleek styling?
Tomorrow I'll add a photo. However, my phone is (I'm praying) in the pool house today. No pictures, no texts, and no phone calls for me. But I have tea, glorious tea.
I was at Kroger doing my grocery shopping, and wanted a particular kind of tea, Yerba Mate, for its metabolic stimulant and antioxidant qualities. They only had it in loose-leaf. So I bought the full one-pound bag of fair-trade tea for just $5.00. I have a tea kettle I can use to steep the leaves.
Except I have NO IDEA where it is. Probably in Michigan, which is a danger when your stuff is strewn across two far-flung states.
So I went to Target. I needed a new travel mug anyway, as the lid to my Bellevue Baptist mug has died with no hope of resurrection. That cup held so many memories. I got it on my way to Mississippi for Hurricane Relief Round 1 more than three years ago.
Moving on. I found the travel mug and a tea strainer ($3 for the ball, $10.00 for the mug) and was just deciding on aesthetics (style and color are VERY important), when I saw it...
A marvel of drink engineering: The Aladdin Tea Infuser Mug.
Inside the lid is a tea cage. It stays tucked in its cozy home until you push down on the lever, plunging it into the hot water and disbursing rich herbal flavor throughout the mug. When the tea is strong enough, POP! Flip the lever back up and the built-in strainer hides under the lid again, out of the reaches of the now-perfect tea.
It was $15.00 -- more than both of the other pieces combined -- but how could I resist its brilliancy, it's simple-yet-sleek styling?
Tomorrow I'll add a photo. However, my phone is (I'm praying) in the pool house today. No pictures, no texts, and no phone calls for me. But I have tea, glorious tea.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
It's the type of evening...
...that would be perfect for late-night beach adventures, or a bonfire, or just lounging outdoors, staring at the beautiful sky. I'm sitting out on the patio. The filter must be on; I can hear the water pouring from the hot tub into the pool. It's calming and comforting in a way.
It's nights like this, when there is joy in simply being, that I think life truly can be simple. I sit here, and I realize that I'm not striving for anything, I'm not fighting for anything, and I'm not working to be better, but I am happy.
This is, I think, to live well: To enjoy life simply for what it is: an opportunity. To love friends and family and the people you pass on the street, and to love God. To slow down and rejoice in the things that truly matter, the things that are often tossed aside or neglected in the hustle of life.
In a few minutes I will close my computer and crawl into bed, early by nearly anyone's standards. I'm looking forward to a full, luxurious night of sleep. This moment, of quiet reflection, has been a wonderful end to a great day.
It's nights like this, when there is joy in simply being, that I think life truly can be simple. I sit here, and I realize that I'm not striving for anything, I'm not fighting for anything, and I'm not working to be better, but I am happy.
This is, I think, to live well: To enjoy life simply for what it is: an opportunity. To love friends and family and the people you pass on the street, and to love God. To slow down and rejoice in the things that truly matter, the things that are often tossed aside or neglected in the hustle of life.
In a few minutes I will close my computer and crawl into bed, early by nearly anyone's standards. I'm looking forward to a full, luxurious night of sleep. This moment, of quiet reflection, has been a wonderful end to a great day.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Minute Maid Park...
...is where the magic happens.
Thank you boys for a great -- and nerve-wracking -- game!
You know you're jealous...
...of my Astros tickets and star shoes. I went all-out for the game. Though I did end up changing into jeans...thanks to Josie's decision to wear khaki shorts. It was a little too matchy-matchy for me. :)
Life Lessons...
...from living in Texas (just off the top of my head).
1) Homemade falafel makes your apartment (and you) smell really funky. If you are going to cook it, leave the windows and doors open and allow time for a shower.
2) Southeast Texas is ridiculously hot and humid. It steams up your windows and your sunglasses when you walk out the door of a cool building.
3) Living under the guidelines of a budget is really really hard.
4) I really really like baseball. I mean, I'd always enjoyed the sport, but now I'm tempted to step up my fan game and actually follow it when I'm not at the ballpark.
5) If you're playing Trivial Pursuit Guys vs. Gals style and decide that you're going to prevent the ladies from winning by pulling a sports question, make sure it's not a question about Tigers Stadium with a good little Michigan girl in the room.
6) Everything is not only bigger in Texas, but better. According to Lauren.
7) You really can survive Texas heat without an air conditioned car. You just wear less clothing and stay hydrated. And plan your trips around available showers.
8) Life is hard. Sometimes your job is hard. Sometimes it can change, and sometimes it can't. And while I hate to admit it, they might be right in saying that you have to change your perspective on it. I'm not giving up on pushing this committee, but I'm willing to try a new approach.
I'm off to eat a little leftover falafel, watch the Astros whomp on the Washington Nationals with Josie and Maggie, and take A.J. up on the offer of an appletini before he heads back to Washington. Then, tomorrow it's monkey bread, a river party, and welcoming our friends back from Kenya!
Have a fantastic weekend!
1) Homemade falafel makes your apartment (and you) smell really funky. If you are going to cook it, leave the windows and doors open and allow time for a shower.
2) Southeast Texas is ridiculously hot and humid. It steams up your windows and your sunglasses when you walk out the door of a cool building.
3) Living under the guidelines of a budget is really really hard.
4) I really really like baseball. I mean, I'd always enjoyed the sport, but now I'm tempted to step up my fan game and actually follow it when I'm not at the ballpark.
5) If you're playing Trivial Pursuit Guys vs. Gals style and decide that you're going to prevent the ladies from winning by pulling a sports question, make sure it's not a question about Tigers Stadium with a good little Michigan girl in the room.
6) Everything is not only bigger in Texas, but better. According to Lauren.
7) You really can survive Texas heat without an air conditioned car. You just wear less clothing and stay hydrated. And plan your trips around available showers.
8) Life is hard. Sometimes your job is hard. Sometimes it can change, and sometimes it can't. And while I hate to admit it, they might be right in saying that you have to change your perspective on it. I'm not giving up on pushing this committee, but I'm willing to try a new approach.
I'm off to eat a little leftover falafel, watch the Astros whomp on the Washington Nationals with Josie and Maggie, and take A.J. up on the offer of an appletini before he heads back to Washington. Then, tomorrow it's monkey bread, a river party, and welcoming our friends back from Kenya!
Have a fantastic weekend!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Why is life...
...so complicated? Why are there decisions to be made, thoughts to think, hearts to break, and twisted webs to weave?
I suppose we may never actually have the answer to that. I suppose it only gets harder as you get older. I suppose, at 23, that I really do have much to learn (though I still resent typecasting based on the rings in my tree trunk).
I pray that God will reveal something to me tonight -- anything would be good, but particularly in the area of my complications.
I suppose we may never actually have the answer to that. I suppose it only gets harder as you get older. I suppose, at 23, that I really do have much to learn (though I still resent typecasting based on the rings in my tree trunk).
I pray that God will reveal something to me tonight -- anything would be good, but particularly in the area of my complications.
The infamous...
...shelves of shoes. And no, that's not all of them. There's six or seven more pair in a shoe organizer and at least two pair in my car. You know you're jealous.
The past month...
...and a half have been a rollercoaster ride. I refuse to acknowledge that my brother may have been right, but he may. Don't tell him that, though. Please. For real.
You know when my blog posts get vague that something is stirring. And it is. And I'll tell y'all about it when I can.
On a side note, I've successfully gone eight days without purchasing clothes, shoes, or accessories. I also organized my closet the other night, which forced me to arrange all of my shoes on their nice little shelves. Dang, but there's a lot of them. I may have been told I have "a problem."
I mean, 34 pairs isn't too many, right?
You know when my blog posts get vague that something is stirring. And it is. And I'll tell y'all about it when I can.
On a side note, I've successfully gone eight days without purchasing clothes, shoes, or accessories. I also organized my closet the other night, which forced me to arrange all of my shoes on their nice little shelves. Dang, but there's a lot of them. I may have been told I have "a problem."
I mean, 34 pairs isn't too many, right?
Monday, July 6, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Sweet beach...
I got off work early today, so Lauren and I hit up the beach. You can't get much more beautiful than this....
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Apparently, texting a post...
...doesn't always work the way I'd hope.
Here is what that garbled mess of characters should have said:
I went to the mall last night with the intention of buying running shoes. And walked away with a pair of shorts, a new sports bra, two new regular bras, socks, and a pair of sandals (thanks to BOGO). I'm a sucker for a good deal (and I got GREAT deals). But those good deals mean that I've accumulated a lot lately...no poor purchases in themselves but not wise necessarily when we look at the extent of my spending. So I'm instituting a No-Buy Double Month: No clothes or shoes or other accessories for two months. I talk a lot about living simply. It's time to put my money where my mouth is.
Here is what that garbled mess of characters should have said:
I went to the mall last night with the intention of buying running shoes. And walked away with a pair of shorts, a new sports bra, two new regular bras, socks, and a pair of sandals (thanks to BOGO). I'm a sucker for a good deal (and I got GREAT deals). But those good deals mean that I've accumulated a lot lately...no poor purchases in themselves but not wise necessarily when we look at the extent of my spending. So I'm instituting a No-Buy Double Month: No clothes or shoes or other accessories for two months. I talk a lot about living simply. It's time to put my money where my mouth is.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
I've gained...
...some weight. Not much. About 5 pounds, but I can certainly tell it's there. I'm not sure why it appeared, other than the meds I was on earlier this month, the stress I've been under, and my increase in sweets that conversely correlated to my decrease in meats.
No idea at all, really.
I bring it up only because I can and because I'm thinking about it as I eat lunch. It's been bugging me for a couple of weeks, though not enough to give me the gumption to really fix it.
And, ironically, today I don't care. I'm happy with the way I am, and I just choose my clothes so that they fit wherever the scale lands. Which, most of the time, means I'm in dresses. I love them anyway...it's hardly a painful ordeal.
No big change necessary. I'll just keep eating (mostly) healthy and (mostly) vegetarian, and I'll continue with my (intentions to) exercise.
And I'll enjoy it.
P.S. Much to my surprise, sprouts are fabulous. I've been putting alfalfa sprouts on a lot lately. Yummmmm.
No idea at all, really.
I bring it up only because I can and because I'm thinking about it as I eat lunch. It's been bugging me for a couple of weeks, though not enough to give me the gumption to really fix it.
And, ironically, today I don't care. I'm happy with the way I am, and I just choose my clothes so that they fit wherever the scale lands. Which, most of the time, means I'm in dresses. I love them anyway...it's hardly a painful ordeal.
No big change necessary. I'll just keep eating (mostly) healthy and (mostly) vegetarian, and I'll continue with my (intentions to) exercise.
And I'll enjoy it.
P.S. Much to my surprise, sprouts are fabulous. I've been putting alfalfa sprouts on a lot lately. Yummmmm.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
My puppy is...
...gone. She was hit by a car tonight. The car didn't even stop -- it just left her and drove off. She died soon after, and my mom called me right away. She was with us for nine years, and now she's gone. She won't be there when I go home at Christmas. I can't take her into the back yard and run around in the snow like we always used to.
I still remember holding her in my arms the day my dad brought her home. I was fourteen, and she was so tiny. She curled up against my chest with her head tucked under my chin, while I sat cross-legged on the living room floor for nearly an hour. It was a good thing nobody claimed her; I was in love.
Not a good start to the week.
I still remember holding her in my arms the day my dad brought her home. I was fourteen, and she was so tiny. She curled up against my chest with her head tucked under my chin, while I sat cross-legged on the living room floor for nearly an hour. It was a good thing nobody claimed her; I was in love.
Not a good start to the week.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
It's 2:17am, and I'm...
...still up. No surprise for a Friday night, really.
I had an epiphany today, as painful as it may be, after having yet another conversation intended to clarify my role in the BC-LTRC. See, for the past four months I've been holding the weight of the Committee on my shoulders, and acting as the backbone for the organization, in a sense. It's partly my fault; when tasks weren't being completed and initiative not taken, I stepped in to save the day. It was fine until I began to feel the burden in very real ways. And then I started to realize the detrimental situation we were in. As long as I, or any other one person, was carrying the load, there was no reason or need for the others to step up and take charge. The result was the direct opposite of what was intended -- rather than supporting and building the committee, I was participating in its decline.
So I raised my concerns. Unfortunately, it became very real when I relayed the thought of leaving my post far earlier than the year I committed to. Two and a half meetings later, there's no full resolution to be had. I have, however, let them know that I'll be scaling back and focusing specifically on the support and capacity-building roles I was brought in to fill.
I know that when I step back, one other individual fills in. Like me, she has the drive and the tendency to meet the need, to see a gap and to fill it. I wish she wouldn't. Either of our work in that aspect actually allows the committee itself to become inactive, to deteriorate into an ineffective, unproductive body of names on a sheet of paper.
However, as I drove home I realized one thing -- I can't control that. My desire is to empower the volunteers who have willingly joined this committee in order to continue the work long after I, or any other person, have left. But if another person isn't willing to engage in that same mission, that same purpose, then there is nothing I can do.
And that's okay, I suppose. I can do what I do to improve the committee. And the rest? I don't know. Does it satisfy me? Not at all, but it is what it is.
Okay, now I need to go to bed. 2:27. Those ten minutes left me irrevocably sleepy.
I had an epiphany today, as painful as it may be, after having yet another conversation intended to clarify my role in the BC-LTRC. See, for the past four months I've been holding the weight of the Committee on my shoulders, and acting as the backbone for the organization, in a sense. It's partly my fault; when tasks weren't being completed and initiative not taken, I stepped in to save the day. It was fine until I began to feel the burden in very real ways. And then I started to realize the detrimental situation we were in. As long as I, or any other one person, was carrying the load, there was no reason or need for the others to step up and take charge. The result was the direct opposite of what was intended -- rather than supporting and building the committee, I was participating in its decline.
So I raised my concerns. Unfortunately, it became very real when I relayed the thought of leaving my post far earlier than the year I committed to. Two and a half meetings later, there's no full resolution to be had. I have, however, let them know that I'll be scaling back and focusing specifically on the support and capacity-building roles I was brought in to fill.
I know that when I step back, one other individual fills in. Like me, she has the drive and the tendency to meet the need, to see a gap and to fill it. I wish she wouldn't. Either of our work in that aspect actually allows the committee itself to become inactive, to deteriorate into an ineffective, unproductive body of names on a sheet of paper.
However, as I drove home I realized one thing -- I can't control that. My desire is to empower the volunteers who have willingly joined this committee in order to continue the work long after I, or any other person, have left. But if another person isn't willing to engage in that same mission, that same purpose, then there is nothing I can do.
And that's okay, I suppose. I can do what I do to improve the committee. And the rest? I don't know. Does it satisfy me? Not at all, but it is what it is.
Okay, now I need to go to bed. 2:27. Those ten minutes left me irrevocably sleepy.
Friday, June 26, 2009
I'm super duper excited...
...for this weekend.
Today: Off work at noon, beach with Lauren and maybe Angela, then to the island.
Tonight: My Sister's Keeper with Maggie, Josie, and maybe Luke and Omar. I bought a box of tissues. The book is my favorite novel of all time. I know what's coming, and I'm still going to weep like a little girl.
Tomorrow: Haircuts (maybe? we still haven't found a place or worked out the details), Ikea, and TIGERS (& Astros)!!
Sunday: Church, Picnic at Shy Pond, Discovering BrazosPointe class, then Sugar Land or Houston or Pearland for suuuuuuuuushi with Amy, Lauren, Tamara, and Angela.
Are you excited with me yet? It's going to be uh-mazing.
Today: Off work at noon, beach with Lauren and maybe Angela, then to the island.
Tonight: My Sister's Keeper with Maggie, Josie, and maybe Luke and Omar. I bought a box of tissues. The book is my favorite novel of all time. I know what's coming, and I'm still going to weep like a little girl.
Tomorrow: Haircuts (maybe? we still haven't found a place or worked out the details), Ikea, and TIGERS (& Astros)!!
Sunday: Church, Picnic at Shy Pond, Discovering BrazosPointe class, then Sugar Land or Houston or Pearland for suuuuuuuuushi with Amy, Lauren, Tamara, and Angela.
Are you excited with me yet? It's going to be uh-mazing.
Friday, June 19, 2009
It's 12:40am, but I..
...don't want to go to bed. I want to stay here and stay awake because a little irrational voice inside my head says, "If you never go to bed, then tomorrow will never come, and you won't have to face your issues."
The last time I felt this way was nearly two years ago now. It was the night before my Grams passed away. I didn't want to go to sleep, I didn't want to go home. I knew that she would still be there on that bed, in that hospital, losing the battle for life.
I was reminded of her tonight, and saddened by the remembrance. In the movie we saw, "Gammy" gives a necklace to her future granddaughter-in-law and says, "Grandparents love to give gifts to their grandchildren because it makes them believe that they'll still be part of their lives after they've gone." My Grams, or "Grammy," as I called her growing up, gave me more gifts than I can count and she is, and will be, always a part of my life.
I wish tonight I could go to their house. I wish I could bounce in the door, blow right past them while saying hello, and open the freezer to find mini Snickers waiting for me. I wish I could play dominos and rummy and marbles with them. And be called "Carolyn Jo" in a teasing scold like I have been my entire life. I want to stop and admire the lighthouse photo I took at fourteen -- the one that I now know is overexposed, thanks to the sun peaking out behind the round white walls -- and comment on it, like I so often did. I want to walk into the office and raid their movie collection, borrow Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and promise to return it, but forget about it for weeks on end. I want to steal the cookies, the fig newtons, the banana bread that always sat on their counter. To play with the lazy susans all around the house -- the one's she painted. I want to hear her scold me for using "one" as a noun that can be pluralized. I want sprawl out on the white and pink and blue couch, the one she recovered many years before with wipeable fabric, and tell her my problems as she sits in the blue rocker and knits another blanket. Then she'll put it down and rest back in the chair, letting me know that all attention is on me. And she'll give me some sort of wisdom, some snippet of advice, some practical encouragement. And I'll find something to laugh about and out the door I'll go again.
I'm sentimental, I know. Some would probably say that it's been two years, and it's time to let go. I won't. Not if letting go means forgetting all those little things. And it was in those little things that I found love.
I suppose I should go to bed now. It's 12:54am. I don't know what tomorrow holds. We never do. It may be good, it may be bad, but it will be whether I fight the dawn or embrace it.
The last time I felt this way was nearly two years ago now. It was the night before my Grams passed away. I didn't want to go to sleep, I didn't want to go home. I knew that she would still be there on that bed, in that hospital, losing the battle for life.
I was reminded of her tonight, and saddened by the remembrance. In the movie we saw, "Gammy" gives a necklace to her future granddaughter-in-law and says, "Grandparents love to give gifts to their grandchildren because it makes them believe that they'll still be part of their lives after they've gone." My Grams, or "Grammy," as I called her growing up, gave me more gifts than I can count and she is, and will be, always a part of my life.
I wish tonight I could go to their house. I wish I could bounce in the door, blow right past them while saying hello, and open the freezer to find mini Snickers waiting for me. I wish I could play dominos and rummy and marbles with them. And be called "Carolyn Jo" in a teasing scold like I have been my entire life. I want to stop and admire the lighthouse photo I took at fourteen -- the one that I now know is overexposed, thanks to the sun peaking out behind the round white walls -- and comment on it, like I so often did. I want to walk into the office and raid their movie collection, borrow Seven Brides for Seven Brothers and promise to return it, but forget about it for weeks on end. I want to steal the cookies, the fig newtons, the banana bread that always sat on their counter. To play with the lazy susans all around the house -- the one's she painted. I want to hear her scold me for using "one" as a noun that can be pluralized. I want sprawl out on the white and pink and blue couch, the one she recovered many years before with wipeable fabric, and tell her my problems as she sits in the blue rocker and knits another blanket. Then she'll put it down and rest back in the chair, letting me know that all attention is on me. And she'll give me some sort of wisdom, some snippet of advice, some practical encouragement. And I'll find something to laugh about and out the door I'll go again.
I'm sentimental, I know. Some would probably say that it's been two years, and it's time to let go. I won't. Not if letting go means forgetting all those little things. And it was in those little things that I found love.
I suppose I should go to bed now. It's 12:54am. I don't know what tomorrow holds. We never do. It may be good, it may be bad, but it will be whether I fight the dawn or embrace it.
I was teased tonight...
...for wanting a boat, a boy, and a barn. Apparently that makes me "so Michigan." Ah, pure Michigan...
I'm on vacation right now, sort of. I'd consider it more a few days' leave of absence to think, process, and refresh. I told the BC-LTRC this week that I was thinking about leaving. There are some major, persistent problems that prevent me from believing that I can truly be effective in Brazoria County without something changing.
I won't leave without first trying to make that change, though. I anticipate a long week ahead of me, and I'm hardly looking forward to it.
I got a phone call at 5:35 this evening saying, "Come to Galveston. Let's go see a chick flick." So here I am, yet again. Tomorrow I'll be back in Lake Jackson, and I think there may be some Sugar Land in my future (sushi...yum). Busy is hardly how I imagined the weekend, but busy it is becoming no less.
That's not right. I need to take true time off this weekend. For me. Maybe Sugar Land isn't in my future after all.
I'm on vacation right now, sort of. I'd consider it more a few days' leave of absence to think, process, and refresh. I told the BC-LTRC this week that I was thinking about leaving. There are some major, persistent problems that prevent me from believing that I can truly be effective in Brazoria County without something changing.
I won't leave without first trying to make that change, though. I anticipate a long week ahead of me, and I'm hardly looking forward to it.
I got a phone call at 5:35 this evening saying, "Come to Galveston. Let's go see a chick flick." So here I am, yet again. Tomorrow I'll be back in Lake Jackson, and I think there may be some Sugar Land in my future (sushi...yum). Busy is hardly how I imagined the weekend, but busy it is becoming no less.
That's not right. I need to take true time off this weekend. For me. Maybe Sugar Land isn't in my future after all.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I ate...
...meat. Shh, don't tell anyone. It wasn't totally intentional. But I did it three times. In a row (sort of?). I'm back to being good now. I promise.
Haha.
Haha.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
I'm a sunblock...
..failure. I put it on, I promise. Yet I burned to a crisp. A very red crisp. A sore red crisp.
Even my legs burned. My pasty-white legs that never do anything but stay pasty-white!!
Even my legs burned. My pasty-white legs that never do anything but stay pasty-white!!
Saturday, June 13, 2009
When did I become the girl...
...who cries at everything?
Seriously. I went 2+ years without crying. Even once. And now, I tear up at literally everything that jerks the slightest little bit at my heartstrings. Like a dance recital when the little girls danced with their daddies. Or a story about a fourteen-year-old girl whose passion- and faith-filled life was cut short in a car accident.
Many tears.
(But much love. :))
Seriously. I went 2+ years without crying. Even once. And now, I tear up at literally everything that jerks the slightest little bit at my heartstrings. Like a dance recital when the little girls danced with their daddies. Or a story about a fourteen-year-old girl whose passion- and faith-filled life was cut short in a car accident.
Many tears.
(But much love. :))
Friday, June 12, 2009
I have to...
...work all day tomorrow. And yet it doesn't matter. It's still the weekend.
Maddie's recital tonight, work tomorrow, Houston to see Tracy on Sunday!
Maddie's recital tonight, work tomorrow, Houston to see Tracy on Sunday!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
I pulled up this window...
...then nearly forgot what I was going to say.
Now I remember.
With being sick last week, overwhelmed with work, and going from the constant companionship that I had in Galveston to being by myself again, I haven't been in great spirits the past few days. I could use prayer to just keep on trucking -- I know things will get better, but this week has been a hefty adjustment period.
Now I remember.
With being sick last week, overwhelmed with work, and going from the constant companionship that I had in Galveston to being by myself again, I haven't been in great spirits the past few days. I could use prayer to just keep on trucking -- I know things will get better, but this week has been a hefty adjustment period.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The easy explanation...
...would be to blame my dad. I mean, I could stand in my parents' house and point at all the DIY projects he's undertaken -- some of which are finished, some of which aren't. Then I could recount (for hours, probably), the projects you don't see: the beater truck for which I helped him install the engine, the loft bed I stained myself, the kayak with hatches I fit so nicely into for playing out on the lake, the kitchen table made precisely to my specifications.
I suppose we could blame my mom, too. She's the one who taught me to sew at the age of nine, the one who made us those matching lavender Easter dresses (even though I got silly putty all over mine when I fell asleep at the church).
Still, that wouldn't be quite sufficient. I'd have to then tell about growing up playing in the sawdust of my grandparents' wood shop. About sitting on Grampy's lap cutting ghost shapes with a scroll saw. About being put in shop class when I intended to take art in 7th grade -- and finding I was pretty happy there anyway.
Perhaps then we could understand my lifetime membership in the do-it-yourself brigade.
My own project list is numerous: the army trunk I bought at the church rummage sale, then covered with so much spray paint I sneezed blue for a week, the broken chair I took the mechanism out of and screwed back together, the discarded dresser I painted, replaced the hardware on, and sold for a 400% profit. The years of altered clothing, half-sewn dresses, and the curtains that still hang in my bedroom at my parents' house.
My view of the world seems to be a little more hazy than most; perhaps it's the project dust that litters my glasses and makes me believe that nearly everything has potential for greatness.
Sure, not everything works out the way I anticipate (Hey Gina and Siew, remember the chair? Talk about a dragged-out project that never came to anything). But I've learned that sometimes, the process is more important than the end result.
Right now, my process involves an antique dress form fished from a trash pile in Galveston. It's rusty and dirty and needs a little love.
Love, I have plenty of. For something like this, I'll even throw in a dash of elbow grease and several hours of time.
I'm excited -- I've been wanting a dress form for quite a while. It's a means to an end; when I have the form fully functional, I can start creating some of the dress designs that are floating around in my mind.
I'll keep you updated. :)
I suppose we could blame my mom, too. She's the one who taught me to sew at the age of nine, the one who made us those matching lavender Easter dresses (even though I got silly putty all over mine when I fell asleep at the church).
Still, that wouldn't be quite sufficient. I'd have to then tell about growing up playing in the sawdust of my grandparents' wood shop. About sitting on Grampy's lap cutting ghost shapes with a scroll saw. About being put in shop class when I intended to take art in 7th grade -- and finding I was pretty happy there anyway.
Perhaps then we could understand my lifetime membership in the do-it-yourself brigade.
My own project list is numerous: the army trunk I bought at the church rummage sale, then covered with so much spray paint I sneezed blue for a week, the broken chair I took the mechanism out of and screwed back together, the discarded dresser I painted, replaced the hardware on, and sold for a 400% profit. The years of altered clothing, half-sewn dresses, and the curtains that still hang in my bedroom at my parents' house.
My view of the world seems to be a little more hazy than most; perhaps it's the project dust that litters my glasses and makes me believe that nearly everything has potential for greatness.
Sure, not everything works out the way I anticipate (Hey Gina and Siew, remember the chair? Talk about a dragged-out project that never came to anything). But I've learned that sometimes, the process is more important than the end result.
Right now, my process involves an antique dress form fished from a trash pile in Galveston. It's rusty and dirty and needs a little love.
Love, I have plenty of. For something like this, I'll even throw in a dash of elbow grease and several hours of time.
I'm excited -- I've been wanting a dress form for quite a while. It's a means to an end; when I have the form fully functional, I can start creating some of the dress designs that are floating around in my mind.
I'll keep you updated. :)
Sunday, June 7, 2009
On a more practical note...
...it's been nearly a month and a half since I last ran. Lamezor. I need to get on that again. It's so dang hooooooooot in Texas, though.
I am back...
...in Lake Jackson.
It was hard to leave Galveston this morning. After nine days, it became home, and that's difficult to walk away from.
I have a great place to live in Lake Jackson -- don't get me wrong. But in Galveston, I have people who care, and who I care about. Who will make fun of me when I'm spaced out on prescription drugs, and who will talk about their lives and their hurts and their joys and let me share mine, and who will talk me into large ridiculous hats that make me laugh.
I'm sappy, I know. But I like that about myself.
It was hard to leave Galveston this morning. After nine days, it became home, and that's difficult to walk away from.
I have a great place to live in Lake Jackson -- don't get me wrong. But in Galveston, I have people who care, and who I care about. Who will make fun of me when I'm spaced out on prescription drugs, and who will talk about their lives and their hurts and their joys and let me share mine, and who will talk me into large ridiculous hats that make me laugh.
I'm sappy, I know. But I like that about myself.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
My grams...
...would have been 75 today. It's been nearly two years since she left us, and I still miss her every day.
Friday, June 5, 2009
The plan to go...
...home yesterday fell apart, as I decided to take today off of work as well. I don't typically accomplish much on Fridays anyway.
And staying meant yummy food and ice cream afterwards.
Today, while incapable of driving, I was tired of sitting around feeling useless, so the kitchen is clean. A girl's got to do something to keep herself occupied.
And staying meant yummy food and ice cream afterwards.
Today, while incapable of driving, I was tired of sitting around feeling useless, so the kitchen is clean. A girl's got to do something to keep herself occupied.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Now for a message...
...from our sponsors.
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{I don't actually have any sponsors. It would be rather strange if I did.}
When I came to Galveston last Friday evening, I didn't expect to be spending nearly a week here, with two day jaunt to Austin in the middle. Austin was planned, but what wasn't intentional was the extension of my stay, which could be more characterized as a return.
Yesterday morning I called off of work, having developed an angry red rash that needed medical attention. I was still on the island in the morning, and had a breakfast meeting with someone to discuss fundraising, and then could have gone to Urgent Care here, but my insurance card was in Lake Jackson. I had failed to put it in my wallet when I received it. So I finished my meeting, gathered up my stuff, and went home. I found the card and looked up doctors in the area. There was one -- just one -- in Lake Jackson, who wasn't taking new patients until September. Yes, SEPTEMBER. The closest urgent care facilities were in Pearland and Galveston. Cranky, exhausted, and in pain, I spent just two hours (maybe two and a half) at home, then drove back to Galveston.
The doctor at the Urgent Care here was fantastic. He was chill enough to make showing him the rash (in a place that generally prefers to stay hidden) not awkward at all. And he didn't hand me a bunch of lines when he diagnosed it: I have shingles, and whatever pain I was in yesterday was probably only going to get worse. He gave me some reading material, sent me on my way, and called in a prescription. Or three, to be exact.
Too tired to drive home, I went back to Luke and Maggie's house. They had a meeting, but we decided to do dinner afterwards. While they were gone I got my prescriptions and took the first dose of vicodin. I don't think I knew how much pain I was in until it went away. I knew it hurt, but it wasn't excruciating or even fully debilitating. It was mostly stiff and uncomfortable. The vicodin took that away, and made me pretty loopy. When Maggie called to say they were on the way back, she asked me if I was high. On the way to the Strand I made some goofy comments that were not out-of-character, but definitely encouraged by the drugs.
This morning I got up and took the full round of meds -- all three prescriptions. Luke had to come back and let me into the house, as the key wasn't where I'd left it yesterday, and Maggie just dropped me off after breakfast. I got inside and sat on the couch, totally zoned out. My hands were shaking and I stared at them for a moment going, "Huh." Right before Luke left again he asked me if I was all set. I said, "Yeah. I'm just going to sit here for a while." He laughed at me and went back to work.
I spent the next couple of hours just sprawled on the sofa. My mind isn't focused enough to even read a book or flip on the TV (actually, the TV might be WAY more stimulation than I can possibly handle). I need to go home at some point today, but I haven't decided when. I have just a few small windows of opportunity to make the drive drug-free. One is in less than an hour, and there will be another around 5:00.
I'm shooting for 5:00.
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{I don't actually have any sponsors. It would be rather strange if I did.}
When I came to Galveston last Friday evening, I didn't expect to be spending nearly a week here, with two day jaunt to Austin in the middle. Austin was planned, but what wasn't intentional was the extension of my stay, which could be more characterized as a return.
Yesterday morning I called off of work, having developed an angry red rash that needed medical attention. I was still on the island in the morning, and had a breakfast meeting with someone to discuss fundraising, and then could have gone to Urgent Care here, but my insurance card was in Lake Jackson. I had failed to put it in my wallet when I received it. So I finished my meeting, gathered up my stuff, and went home. I found the card and looked up doctors in the area. There was one -- just one -- in Lake Jackson, who wasn't taking new patients until September. Yes, SEPTEMBER. The closest urgent care facilities were in Pearland and Galveston. Cranky, exhausted, and in pain, I spent just two hours (maybe two and a half) at home, then drove back to Galveston.
The doctor at the Urgent Care here was fantastic. He was chill enough to make showing him the rash (in a place that generally prefers to stay hidden) not awkward at all. And he didn't hand me a bunch of lines when he diagnosed it: I have shingles, and whatever pain I was in yesterday was probably only going to get worse. He gave me some reading material, sent me on my way, and called in a prescription. Or three, to be exact.
Too tired to drive home, I went back to Luke and Maggie's house. They had a meeting, but we decided to do dinner afterwards. While they were gone I got my prescriptions and took the first dose of vicodin. I don't think I knew how much pain I was in until it went away. I knew it hurt, but it wasn't excruciating or even fully debilitating. It was mostly stiff and uncomfortable. The vicodin took that away, and made me pretty loopy. When Maggie called to say they were on the way back, she asked me if I was high. On the way to the Strand I made some goofy comments that were not out-of-character, but definitely encouraged by the drugs.
This morning I got up and took the full round of meds -- all three prescriptions. Luke had to come back and let me into the house, as the key wasn't where I'd left it yesterday, and Maggie just dropped me off after breakfast. I got inside and sat on the couch, totally zoned out. My hands were shaking and I stared at them for a moment going, "Huh." Right before Luke left again he asked me if I was all set. I said, "Yeah. I'm just going to sit here for a while." He laughed at me and went back to work.
I spent the next couple of hours just sprawled on the sofa. My mind isn't focused enough to even read a book or flip on the TV (actually, the TV might be WAY more stimulation than I can possibly handle). I need to go home at some point today, but I haven't decided when. I have just a few small windows of opportunity to make the drive drug-free. One is in less than an hour, and there will be another around 5:00.
I'm shooting for 5:00.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
After my comment earlier...
...about how I'd go back to my college years if I could, to better utilize my education, I got on BellTower (Adrian's student records index) to find my transcripts.
First, I was reminded that the class I thought I had taken as a freshman seminar is the one I wanted -- not the one I was actually in. It's sad, in that I don't remember my own class and that the class had so little effect on me.
Then, I found myself doubly frustrated by the lack of education in my education. I made the Dean's List every semester -- but what does that mean now?
In high school, I wanted to hit fast-forward in order to get to college. In college it was "real life" I was aiming for. When I was working, I was waiting for my big break.
Now, I'm happy where I am for the first time, but I'd like to go back and reclaim the things I missed in my own anticipation of the future.
First, I was reminded that the class I thought I had taken as a freshman seminar is the one I wanted -- not the one I was actually in. It's sad, in that I don't remember my own class and that the class had so little effect on me.
Then, I found myself doubly frustrated by the lack of education in my education. I made the Dean's List every semester -- but what does that mean now?
In high school, I wanted to hit fast-forward in order to get to college. In college it was "real life" I was aiming for. When I was working, I was waiting for my big break.
Now, I'm happy where I am for the first time, but I'd like to go back and reclaim the things I missed in my own anticipation of the future.
It's time for another...
...Q&A with C-Jo.
{Don't ask me why, but I'm really having fun with these right now.}
1. How late did you stay up last night? I'm not really sure. Past midnight, but I just sort of fell into bed and didn't even look at the clock.
2. Do you prefer someone taller or shorter than you? Taller. Thank goodness I'm little.
3. Are you okay with making a total fool of yourself? Yesterday Luke, Maggie, and I went down to the strand for fun/dinner. We found a bunch of balloons (a bunch like grapes...they were attached to each other) on the sidewalk. I proceeded to try to keep them in the air and with us while we walked. There was a slight breeze going in the other direction, and I gave up. Oh, P.S. I was straight sober. (I feel like many of the things I do require that disclaimer, because most people would only do them drunk.)
4. Have you ever been played? Um...maybe? Kind of
5. Do you enjoy being single? I do, most days. I love having the freedom to just be me, without concerning myself heavily about what another person thinks or needs or wants. Perhaps that's selfish, but it's wonderful.
6. Name one thing you did yesterday. I already did, but I'll name another. Maggie and I went to the Coastal Living 2008 Idea House for a self-guided tour. Then sat on the downstairs porch (the only place that didn't have "Please do not sit on the furniture." signs) and had a very long conversation with a woman who told her husband she was "educating" us on matters of politics and the like.
7. Who were you with the last time you went to the movies? Went to the movie theater? Maggie and Luke. Actually saw a movie? Amy, Maddie, and Jeff.
8. Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? Nope.
9. What were you doing Friday night? Attempting to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Failing because their credit card machine was down, and getting ice cream at Ben & Jerry's instead.
10. Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out? In the pool house it's fine. In the big house...freaky! Too many corners and dark places.
11. What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? It's 8:10am. The greatest thing to happen so far is that I woke up. Although I'd much rather have slept longer than 7:15, so I'm not sure how "great" that is.
12. Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth? As much as it would hurt, cry over the truth.
13. If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move? I thought I just did that? But okay, if not Texas, then maybe Washington State. Four seasons, ocean, and mountains. Or Australia. Or Africa.
14. How much do looks matter to you in a guy? I'm not taking the high road: they matter a lot. However, a man's nature and spirit have the potential to override any minor imperfections or flaws in his appearance.
15. Have you ever told anyone you were okay when you really weren’t? Every day. Little lies protect me, or so I think.
16. Would you go out in public looking like you do right now?cSure. I'd prefer to brush my teeth first, but I don't think I look terrible this morning. Perhaps sleepy and like I just rolled out of bed -- because I did.
17. What’s the first thing you did when you woke up? Curse the sunlight.
18. Have your friends ever randomly stopped by your house? Not that I can particularly recall, though I certainly wouldn't mind them doing so!
19. Who is the last person you had a deep conversation with? Luke and Maggie. See #30 from Wednesday.
20. If you could have something back right now, what would it be? My college years. Though they formed the person I am today, I've lately been mourning the loss of my education. I didn't really apply myself in college -- just like in high school, I did the work to make the grade, not to learn. I wish I had learned the value of education long before I left it.
21. Is this the best year of your life? Six months in, I'd have to say yes. It's the first year that I've stepped up and taken the reins on my own life, and it has been amazing.
22. If your friends warn you about someone, do you listen? I haven't. Not always. But I'd like to start.
23. Are you keeping a big secret right now? If I was, I wouldn't tell you.
24. Has anyone ever sang to you? Not when it wasn't meant as a joke. I might melt into a puddle of Carolyn-ness if it does happen, though.
25. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?Oh, hell no.
26. Have you ever fallen asleep while texting someone? Not in the middle of writing a text, but probably in the conversation.
27. Do you like the rain? Absolutely.
28. Say your last ex runs up to you and hugs you, what do you do? First, freak out because he's in Texas. Second, probably say something snarky like, "What the heck are you doing here, and why are you hugging me?" Third, leave.
29. Did you ever tell your parents you were going somewhere but went somewhere else instead? Probably, but not intentionally. More like, "Oh, I'm going to the library," but I end up at the grocery store instead.
30. Do people underestimate you? Of course they do. In a strange way, it motivates me more than people thinking highly of me.
{Don't ask me why, but I'm really having fun with these right now.}
1. How late did you stay up last night? I'm not really sure. Past midnight, but I just sort of fell into bed and didn't even look at the clock.
2. Do you prefer someone taller or shorter than you? Taller. Thank goodness I'm little.
3. Are you okay with making a total fool of yourself? Yesterday Luke, Maggie, and I went down to the strand for fun/dinner. We found a bunch of balloons (a bunch like grapes...they were attached to each other) on the sidewalk. I proceeded to try to keep them in the air and with us while we walked. There was a slight breeze going in the other direction, and I gave up. Oh, P.S. I was straight sober. (I feel like many of the things I do require that disclaimer, because most people would only do them drunk.)
4. Have you ever been played? Um...maybe? Kind of
5. Do you enjoy being single? I do, most days. I love having the freedom to just be me, without concerning myself heavily about what another person thinks or needs or wants. Perhaps that's selfish, but it's wonderful.
6. Name one thing you did yesterday. I already did, but I'll name another. Maggie and I went to the Coastal Living 2008 Idea House for a self-guided tour. Then sat on the downstairs porch (the only place that didn't have "Please do not sit on the furniture." signs) and had a very long conversation with a woman who told her husband she was "educating" us on matters of politics and the like.
7. Who were you with the last time you went to the movies? Went to the movie theater? Maggie and Luke. Actually saw a movie? Amy, Maddie, and Jeff.
8. Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? Nope.
9. What were you doing Friday night? Attempting to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Failing because their credit card machine was down, and getting ice cream at Ben & Jerry's instead.
10. Do you like being home alone or does it freak you out? In the pool house it's fine. In the big house...freaky! Too many corners and dark places.
11. What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? It's 8:10am. The greatest thing to happen so far is that I woke up. Although I'd much rather have slept longer than 7:15, so I'm not sure how "great" that is.
12. Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth? As much as it would hurt, cry over the truth.
13. If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move? I thought I just did that? But okay, if not Texas, then maybe Washington State. Four seasons, ocean, and mountains. Or Australia. Or Africa.
14. How much do looks matter to you in a guy? I'm not taking the high road: they matter a lot. However, a man's nature and spirit have the potential to override any minor imperfections or flaws in his appearance.
15. Have you ever told anyone you were okay when you really weren’t? Every day. Little lies protect me, or so I think.
16. Would you go out in public looking like you do right now?cSure. I'd prefer to brush my teeth first, but I don't think I look terrible this morning. Perhaps sleepy and like I just rolled out of bed -- because I did.
17. What’s the first thing you did when you woke up? Curse the sunlight.
18. Have your friends ever randomly stopped by your house? Not that I can particularly recall, though I certainly wouldn't mind them doing so!
19. Who is the last person you had a deep conversation with? Luke and Maggie. See #30 from Wednesday.
20. If you could have something back right now, what would it be? My college years. Though they formed the person I am today, I've lately been mourning the loss of my education. I didn't really apply myself in college -- just like in high school, I did the work to make the grade, not to learn. I wish I had learned the value of education long before I left it.
21. Is this the best year of your life? Six months in, I'd have to say yes. It's the first year that I've stepped up and taken the reins on my own life, and it has been amazing.
22. If your friends warn you about someone, do you listen? I haven't. Not always. But I'd like to start.
23. Are you keeping a big secret right now? If I was, I wouldn't tell you.
24. Has anyone ever sang to you? Not when it wasn't meant as a joke. I might melt into a puddle of Carolyn-ness if it does happen, though.
25. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?Oh, hell no.
26. Have you ever fallen asleep while texting someone? Not in the middle of writing a text, but probably in the conversation.
27. Do you like the rain? Absolutely.
28. Say your last ex runs up to you and hugs you, what do you do? First, freak out because he's in Texas. Second, probably say something snarky like, "What the heck are you doing here, and why are you hugging me?" Third, leave.
29. Did you ever tell your parents you were going somewhere but went somewhere else instead? Probably, but not intentionally. More like, "Oh, I'm going to the library," but I end up at the grocery store instead.
30. Do people underestimate you? Of course they do. In a strange way, it motivates me more than people thinking highly of me.
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