Wednesday night.

The dryer's running.

Great Big Sea is playing on my Zen.

I vacuumed.

It's much nicer in here now.

I should be working on things tonight.

But I decided vacuuming was a higher priority.

Then I blogged.

Not here.

In secret places.

I don't tell you everything.

Not because I don't love you.

But because some things are just mine.

For now at least.

Bennet.,

Bennet's next to me.

She's trying to type.

She typed the ., next to her name, and then started a new line.

She's cute.

I'm glad she's here.

She makes me happy.

I'm a month from my end of AmeriCorps service.

And I'm scared.

I need a job.

I want a job doing what I love.

What I love is creating.

Organizing.

Planning events.

Formatting documents.

Making lists.

And helping people.

Even if it's indirectly.

I like nonprofits and community organizations.

I want to work for one.

In Austin.

So I need a job with a nonprofit in Austin.

If you know anybody up there, I'd like to know about it.

Please don't tell them about this blog though.

If they used this post as a writing sample, I'd never get a job.

That's what I'm most afraid of.

Walking away from here unemployed.

How would I pay my bills?

How would I pay rent?

How would I feed my Benne-Boo?

Being an adult is scary sometimes.

I guess being a kid is scary for some people.

I had a pretty good life.

My parents had jobs.

We weren't well-off.

But we did okay.

A lot of people aren't okay right now.

It seems like too much to ask to want to do something I like.

Rather than just something that pays the bills.

Maybe I'm selfish.

Maybe I'm just human.

It's Mazlow's hierarchy.

I'm hanging out at the top.

I want fulfillment.

Fulfillment and a paycheck.

Yeah, both would be great.

Much love from Texas,

Carolyn (and Bennepupster)