It ain't easy...

...being green. Except today: Happy St. Patrick's Day!

You know, over the years I let myself grow very cynical about days like this. I fancied myself above such childish celebrations. Valentine's Day? Psh. You mean Single Person's Awareness Day (never mind that I could have been sharing the love with dear friends). Or 4th of July? American Schmerican. Sure, it's cool living here, but we're so ethnocentric. Let it rest.

I'm kind of a jerk.

No, it's okay. I'm aware of it, and that's the first, very important step.

Last night I realized that I hide behind my spunk. I texted to a friend, "I'm not that interesting without my sass."

I said it off-handedly, thinking nothing of it until I punched the send button. Then the weight of the statment hit me. This isn't a joke -- it's something I truly believe. If I'm nervous around people, I get mouthier. If I want them to like me, and I'm afraid they won't (which is most of the time), I get louder, more boisterous, and, for lack of a better word, sassy. This persona gets me attention, but it's not sustainable. It's a part of me, maybe, but it's not ME.

Part of my 100-days experiment is to find out who I am and to build confidence in that. So that I don't have to carry my security blanket of spunk around with me.

Today's lesson of Carolyn:
I like goofy, hallmark holidays. They make me smile. And yes, I'm wearing my green.