I have a kazoo...

...in my pocket. Yesterday was National Kazoo Day. Did you celebrate? We had a party.

I wasn't going to blog today, but I needed to. As I was readying myself for the day this morning, I had a sad epiphany.

At the start of the year, I made a commitment to spend and save my money well, and part of that was to no longer eat out. Those burgers and breadbowls and tacos add up...and usually aren't worth what we pay, especially when we add the health costs into the dollar menu fees.

And yet, in the past two weeks I've been relying heavily on Panera, McDonald's, and Taco Bell for my meals. Not every meal, mind you, but nearly every day, or at least several times a week. The irony is that I love to cook, and I love good food, and yet I consistently lower my tastes in this way.

This morning I realized why: It is easier to become busy and use that as an excuse for having to grab a quick drive-through meal than to face the fact that when I cook, and even when I make that simple peanut butter sandwich, I eat alone. When I'm in my car, jetting from point a to point b, with point c on my mind, I don't have to dwell on that fact.

It was two weeks ago today that I decided to change my life. And while that is a very exciting decision, it is one in which I walk alone (my shadow is the only one who walks beside me...). Friends may cheer me on, pout at my leaving, or bid me goodbye, but it's me who goes, who steps out into newness without anybody next to me to hang on to.

Eating alone in an echo-y apartment right now seems too much to handle. At least subconsiously, though I don't think the realization will make it any easier.