I can't sleep.

Bennet's laying next to me. She's passed out. I wish I could be.

Today I put a deposit down on an apartment in Austin. But I don't have a job yet, and I have a suspicion that it's going to be denied. I don't think my mom makes enough money to actually qualify as a guarantor - they want her to have 6 times the monthly rent. That's insane, though I understand their position. They're just assuming she has other bills to pay and helping to ensure she'll have enough to cover my rent if necessary.

This is not the way this was all supposed to go.

And now I'm starting to panic, starting to give up, starting to just want to be around people I know and love, because at least then I won't be dealing with this alone.

There's something about change and impending unknown that makes you incredibly lonely.
I'm here, alone, dealing with my own uncertainty, my own insecurities, alone. Lately I've been realizing how many friendships just aren't there anymore. At least not in a way that lets me call them at 1:15am, crying because life just isn't going the way it should, and many in a way that I don't feel like I can call them at all. Former best friends, who I haven't talked to in months. Some of it's my fault; I'm terrible at calling. Some of it's not.

Maybe I should just move back home.