I just broke my mother's heart.
She emailed me last week to tell me my birthday gift was coming, but wouldn't be here by the 27th. She wanted to do something more this year, something more than just sending me money. And she gave me a hint: "It's not a normal girly thing."
Today I talked to her on Facebook (yes, my mom is on Facebook...and utilizes the chat feature), and she brought it up again. It's supposed to arrive tomorrow, but she wanted to give me another couple of hints: "It's pink and has lots of pieces."
So I asked if it was a pink tool set, and she responded, "You already have tools."
Yes, I do, and I said so...and said I certainly don't need them.
Except she was playing around, and I had actually guessed correctly. The online conversation ended with, "I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed."
And then she called me. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to apologize for not only ruining the surprise, but also telling her, in essence, that it was a bad gift. I was on the verge of tears throughout the conversation, and still am now.
She meant so well, and I feel so bad.
The truth is, I don't need a set of tools. I have them. I've collected them over the years, as I embarked on one project after another. So while I tried to appease her by saying, "They're tools, I mean, I'll use them someday," I know I failed. She just kept saying "I shouldn't have given you hints. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do. Is there a K-mart there? I thought you were going to build a bed for Bennet."
I responded that I am, but I need a drill for that. I had mentioned a drill last summer -- it's the tool that I won't buy myself. But she'd forgotten that, until I asked if that's what the gift was, based on her hint.
Except saying that made it worse...reminding me that sometimes honesty really sucks. The whole thing could have been handled so much better, but I had to open my mouth and state that I didn't need (or want) this theoretical gift that I thought she was telling me I wasn't getting.
And it may well have been that I'd receive it tomorrow, laugh at the ridiculousness of a pink tool set, call her smiling, and say "thank you."
I wish against all wishes that I could take back the last two hours and try again.
I did this once, two years ago. A friend had bought me two Christmas gifts and, over dinner, we started talking about books and I mentioned the title of a new book that had come out and how I thought it looked ridiculous and that I would never read it. I mentioned another book, too, and the fact that I had three copies of it...
ReplyDeleteAn hour later, I opened my gifts: those two books. I felt awful then and still do now. But my friend loves me and forgave me and she even laughs about it now... maybe one day you will too. :)