On loneliness.

lone⋅ly /ˈloʊnli/[lohn-lee]
–adjective, -li⋅er, -li⋅est.
1. affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.
2. destitute of sympathetic or friendly companionship, intercourse, support, etc.
3. lone; solitary; without company; companionless.
4. remote from places of human habitation; desolate; unfrequented; bleak
5. standing apart; isolated

On the days when I feel most lonely, I find myself on facebook, searching my friends' profiles for something to comment on so that they can reply, affirming my connection to the world. Don't even try telling me you don't do it too.

Loneliness, most often, has little to do with physical proximity, and everything to do with emotional connectivity.

I was thinking about all this this morning as I made my Friday-morning trek back to Galveston from Lake Jackson. There, I'm part of the group, but skirting around the margins, unable to fully engage simply because I'm not always physically around. Here, I'm around most of the time, but not always on the same plane mentally or emotionally.

It's a strange dichotomy, and yet one that I see great opportunity in. In the midst of my struggle to become connected on every level, I find myself failing and learning to find strength in myself and, more importantly, in God.

I have no doubt that His hand led me to Texas, and opened doors to a home, and friends, and a solid church. In some ways, it was too easy. It all happened quickly and smoothly, without any real opportunity for me to seek Him, to beg Him, to depend on Him.

Now, in this funny in-between state, the tables have shifted. My physical needs are still met, but I crave the spiritual link I had in LJ, where I shared life with people of similar mind and heart.

Right now I'm tottering about on my own, having had my spiritual crutch of good friends removed.

It's lonely here. And that's okay. It forces me to look past others to something Bigger.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

And, even when I feel crummy and whiney (which is often, let's face it):

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Love from TX,

c.jo