Last night I bought...

...a yoga mat, a new water bottle (both pink...I was apparently in that kind of mood), and a book called "Skinny Bitch."

{I've been not running and not eating particularly well lately, and this is my self-encouragement to get healthy.}

The book is offensive, lewd, and hilarious. It's the no-nonsense, kick-in-the-skirt that a girl like me needs. It occasionally drops the f-bomb (which I could do without), and refers to the reader's flabby derriere as a "fat ass" (which I appreciate immensely). It will not pity you, coddle you, or be supportive. It will express its disgust, then tell you how to not fail at healthy life.

Short excerpts I found online(reprinted without permission -- don't sue me, I'm promoting your book):

"Soda is liquid Satan. It is the devil. It is garbage. There is nothing in soda that should be put into your body."

"Junk food will never go away. It becomes more alluring by the minute with laboratory-developed aromas, artificial flavors, chemical food colors, toxic preservatives and heart-stopping hydrogenated oils..." (mmmm...appetizing)

"Give up the notion that you can be sedentary and still lose weight. You need to exercise...Eating properly will dramatically improve your health, body, and all other aspects of your life. But you've still gotta move your ass."


That's about as far as I've gotten, seeing as I brought the book home around 10pm and should have been sleeping instead of reading.

Also, I hopped in the pool for a while yesterday. And by a while, I mean a whopping 15 minutes. Nothing like a quick swim (with a noodle) to tell you just how incredibly out of shape you are. Hooray.

Bring on the bitches.