This is why I fail.

I just broke my mother's heart.

She emailed me last week to tell me my birthday gift was coming, but wouldn't be here by the 27th. She wanted to do something more this year, something more than just sending me money. And she gave me a hint: "It's not a normal girly thing."

Today I talked to her on Facebook (yes, my mom is on Facebook...and utilizes the chat feature), and she brought it up again. It's supposed to arrive tomorrow, but she wanted to give me another couple of hints: "It's pink and has lots of pieces."

So I asked if it was a pink tool set, and she responded, "You already have tools."

Yes, I do, and I said so...and said I certainly don't need them.

Except she was playing around, and I had actually guessed correctly. The online conversation ended with, "I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed."

And then she called me. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to apologize for not only ruining the surprise, but also telling her, in essence, that it was a bad gift. I was on the verge of tears throughout the conversation, and still am now.

She meant so well, and I feel so bad.

The truth is, I don't need a set of tools. I have them. I've collected them over the years, as I embarked on one project after another. So while I tried to appease her by saying, "They're tools, I mean, I'll use them someday," I know I failed. She just kept saying "I shouldn't have given you hints. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do. Is there a K-mart there? I thought you were going to build a bed for Bennet."

I responded that I am, but I need a drill for that. I had mentioned a drill last summer -- it's the tool that I won't buy myself. But she'd forgotten that, until I asked if that's what the gift was, based on her hint.

Except saying that made it worse...reminding me that sometimes honesty really sucks. The whole thing could have been handled so much better, but I had to open my mouth and state that I didn't need (or want) this theoretical gift that I thought she was telling me I wasn't getting.

And it may well have been that I'd receive it tomorrow, laugh at the ridiculousness of a pink tool set, call her smiling, and say "thank you."

I wish against all wishes that I could take back the last two hours and try again.

I don't have chickens, but I do have their wire.

Tonight I lined our wrought-iron fence with chicken wire.

Right, I know what you're thinking. "You lined your fence with....a fence?"

Yes, I did.

You see, the bars of our lovely wrought iron fence are just wide enough for one little pair of shoulders to sneak through:


She may like to play in traffic, but I'd prefer not to die of a stress-induced heart attack at 24.

Adultyhood.

Warning: This post is about being an adult (for better or worse).

1) My computer is currently at the Apple store. They just called me to tell me it's finally all better (yay!), there's nothing I have to pay for, and I can go pick it up later. I'm currently working, and was all gung-ho about going now, but then I realized that I rode my bike to work. So I'm going to work for a while longer and then ride home and drive up to the mall.

Maggie and I did just discuss the hypothetical idea of a bicycle mileage rate. I don't think she was serious. Too bad.

2) Money is weird. I'm not sure we'll ever have enough of it. It seems that no matter how much I have, it's never enough. I was thinking about this as I was pondering the possibility of having to pay for repairs to my beloved Jorge. I guess I just have to remember that I won't always be trapped in this state of not being allowed to receive any additional income. Side jobs are a no-no when you're in AmeriCorps. And to be frugal, frugal, frugal!


That's all. :)



Except this: I made vegetarian gumbo last night. I feel so Gulf Coast. :)

Word to the wise...

Don't bake a cake in a hurry, even if it is a hurry-type of cake.

And don't bake a cake when you've had a Cosmopolitan. No, not even just ONE Cosmopolitan.



I discovered today that the cake I made last night isn't very good. And that's not a very good reflection on my skills in the kitchen.

You should know that I have skills. Mad skills. Mad domestic skills.

Believe it.

Just don't eat the cake.

To be. And not to be. Both.

It should be noted that soup and salad is pretty much the BEST MEAL EVER. As a sometimes-chef (and all-times recipe follower), I love making soup. It's so easy: you don't have to think of a side dish or deal with six things simmering at different temperatures all at the same time. The whole meal is right there, in one big delightful pot of goodness.

(I had leftover soup for lunch, which spurred this little rant of delight...thank you Kyle for your culinary endeavors.)

I rode my happy yellow bike to work today, and realized I have much to learn about being a bicycle commuter:

1) Though it may only be 50 degrees, don't wear a jacket. You will sweat.
2) On that same note...polyester is not your friend. EVER. Even if it comes in the form of a cute little sweater dress.

Speaking of cute little sweater dresses....I had to stop a few times to tug down the hem and then reposition myself on the bike. Lo and behold, a short dress isn't the best attire for biking*. Who knew?

*Disclaimer: I did manage to prevent myself from flashing everyone in the world. And I'm not even ashamed about my wardrobe choice.


In other news, true to my decision to take a photo every day, I have some visual delights to share with you:


That's my bike!!





I actually took this photo some time ago, during a conference in Dallas. But since I hadn't uploaded photos in nearly a month and a half, it was just sitting on my camera. I pulled it up, remembered it, and loved it all over again. It's with a point-and-shoot, would you believe it? Might be one of my favorite photos ever.



P.S. I forgot to mention that I picked up a copy of "Ulysses" by James Joyce at the library yesterday. It's whoa-man thick. I was going to get "The Great Gatsby" too, but there were no copies around. No big deal...Ulysses will take me a while anyway. And I can't start until I finish the highly intelligent read, "Mr. Darcy's Daughters." Yes, that's right. I'm reading a sequel to Pride and Prejudice, written by not-Jane-Austen. It's not bad. :)

I LOVE birthdays.

Today, I...

1) Woke up to a puppy licking me.
2) Talked to Madre.
3) Went for a run. It went poorly, but I chose not to be discouraged.
4) Danced around in the water while singing out loud to DC Talk.
5) Stole a piece of cake hours before it was served.
6) Looked at used bikes.
7) Went back and bought a used bike. It's yellow and delightful.
8) Talked to Lindsey for the first time in forever.
9) Declared 5pm "Happy Hour" and made cosmos for myself, Luke, and Nikki.
10) Baked a cake.
11)Realized that happy hour before dinner wasn't a good plan (and causes a great deal of subsequent giggling).
12) Went to dinner.
13) Ordered a fedora from Amazon (Dean sent me a gift card!)
14) Enjoyed life to the fullest.

Effective at 1:30-something this morning, I am 24. And if today is any indication, it's a pretty good place to be. :)

An open window into my life....

I have been asked to post the list of 25 things to do before I'm 25, so here it is:

1) Run a marathon.
2) Donate my hair to Locks of Love.
3) Read all 100 of Modern Library’s top novels.
4) Learn how to swim.
5) Go on a wine tour.
6) Pay off my credit card debt.
7) Launch my Etsy shop & register my domain name.
8) Lose 20 pounds.
9) Learn how to ballroom dance.
10) Go back to school.
11) Build a dog house or bed for Bennet.
12) Commit to sustainable fashion: make or thrift all that I buy.
13) Start and keep a (real) blog (about more than just my rants/funnies).
14) Take a photo every day.
15) Go horseback riding.
16) Fall in love.
17) Do 40 Days of Water for Blood:Water Mission
18) Remember the Alamo (...and go visit it).
19) Go hiking.
20) Spend a day alone, not at home.
21) See the sun rise and set on the same day.
22) Learn how to surf.
23) Read the Bible all the way through.
24) Learn Spanish (oh, that my college courses had done any good).
25) Simplify.

I debated whether to post the complete list; I don't generally prefer to share my aspirations to drop a couple of pounds or to find myself a man. And yet these desires are part of what makes me human, and hiding them means hiding a part of myself. Until I own, in fullest confidence, each and every one of these goals, they will simply never happen.

Boy, just reading over this list makes me nervous. If I follow through on every single item I'm going to have an amazing year, but a busy year. Many of these goals are things I've been thinking of doing for a long time, but have put off for one reason or another. Others are simple things, things that remind me what life is all about, that remind me what I'm all about.

In two days I'll be 24. The clock is ticking. Here goes nothing.

Listing.

With my birthday just 12 days away, I'm creating a list of things to do before I turn 25. Basically, it's my list of things to do in the next year.

If you have suggestions/ideas, please share!

Much love,

CaroJo

I have Lady Gaga's Bad Romance stuck in my head.

Oy vay. What a day.

I had already spent half the day fighting a (losing) battle against some of my most prominent insecurities. And then Bennet wiggled her way out of the fence and into the street. A driver saw her, and stopped before a tragedy could occur. I heard him honk from the living room, immediately knew what was going on, and went flying outside. I spent the next 20 minutes trying to coax the dumb puppy back inside.

To her, it was all a fun game. I, on the other hand, nearly had a heart attack.

So back to her kennel she went, and I hit the road, bound for PetSmart (20 miles away) to get a chain to keep her in the yard.

After I got there, I realized that my exit was less about the chain and more about my need to escape. But I bought one anyway, feeling silly to have gone all that way for nothing.

Now I'm back, and debating whether to go out dancing with my roommates, as had been intended. I'm leaning toward no. The gettin'-jiggy-wit'-it club scene just isn't what I'm into tonight. I'd rather clean up my room, find all the things I've been missing, read a book, and maybe make a skirt.





**
In other news, the pest control guy who fumigates our office gave me his phone number last week. Or rather, he gave it to the office manager to give to me because he's "shy." I do attract the winners, don't I?? ;)