Childhood Memories.

Bennet has a new toy, courtesy of Goodwill (best place to buy your dog toys EVER...just grab stuffed animals, and the puppy is happy!).



Her newest stufty is Spot, from this book series. Now that's a trip down memory lane. :)

On money (or the lack thereof).

Today, I was sitting around ClergyCon with no demands on my time, and so I thought, "I should do my finances."

That's what you do when you're bored, right?

Anyway, I signed up for mint.com (highly recommended by Maggie), and was told:

"YOU'RE OVER BUDGET."

Okay, I was a business major. I get this finance thing. Money comes in, money goes out. You pay your bills, and that makes lenders happy, which, in turn, makes you happy.

Yet that I have little to no concept of how to properly manage my money. I haven't figured out how not to spend more than I actually hold. And how to spend it on the right things. And how to save up for those little emergencies (like needing new tires on my four-year-owned cavalier).

My financial issues are deep -- far deeper than selective ignorance (though that would be enough). There's a certain amount of pride in spending freely, without giving a thought to the consequences. There's pride in wearing the right things at the right time, which sometimes requires a purchase or two. There's also comfort, using shopping as a crutch, as a support system, as an expression of joy.

I love clothes and things. I love to shop. I like to be looked well upon, and I like retail therapy. But at what cost? The future of my finances?

I'm working on it, and that's why I'm on the site. Today, for the first time in months, I saw my net worth.

(Actually, I saw a portion of it. I'm having trouble getting two of my loans to load.)

Either way, it's U-G-L-Y. And I ain't got no alibi.

Looking sharp.

Look at that well-dressed pup. You know you love her.

Wardrobe Re:Fashion

I'm taking a plunge. I've joined the website Wardrobe ReFashion and pledged to not buy any new clothing for six months starting November 1st. If I want something, I need to thrift/re-create/make it myself.

Confession.

I get jealous when girls are interested in my guy friends. Not necessarily because I'm interested in the guys, but because I don't want to surrender the possibility that something could happen (even if it shouldn't/can't/won't/etc.).

It makes it really hard to be a cheerleader for my friends when they like someone.

I know I'm not the only one. But that doesn't make it okay.

A common thread.

Loneliness is sitting at an empty intersection, waiting for the light to turn green.



That was my thought late Monday night/Tuesday morning as I was driving back from Surfside. There were three other people in my car, but they'd all fallen asleep.

Loneliness is actually interchangeable. It could also read "Patience is..." or probably something else as well. But what I felt that night was not patience. It was loneliness. It was feeling like I was the only person in the world at that moment.

I started this blog at the beginning of the year, right before I moved. Loneliness has been a thread running through the entirety of the last 10 months, and I apologize in advance for the repetition; I don't foresee it changing anytime soon.

The key to playing this game is not our experience, but our response. Loneliness happens. But it doesn't have to bring sadness, misery, despair, hopelessness, longing, etc. along with it. I can be lonely and still have joy. I can be lonely and still laugh, still love my life. I can be lonely and still love to sit home alone in the evenings reading a book.

That's where I am right now. There are times in life when I feel alone. Mentally, physically, spiritually. But that's not all I feel, and, even more, I'm not determined by that experience, nor afraid to experience it.

We can take a ride on my big green tractor.

Katie, Chris, and Dave dropped by Southeast Texas this weekend for four days of fun-filled madness.

Seriously filled. Overflowing:

1) Lunch in Houston.
2) Walk along Seawall (with a stop for Blue Bell).
3) Texas high school football (poor showing, but it was fun anyway).
4) Dinner w/ my roommates and Denver @ Mediterranean Chef.
5) Slept in (them, not me...oh the woes of having a puppy).
6) Whataburger.
7) Where the Wild Things Are (without free popcorn...Dave fail).
8) Moody Gardens Aquarium - PENGUINS!!
9) Bolivar Peninsula.
10) Eternal Sunshine of the Spot...(oops, we fell asleep).
11) Church @ Brazos Pointe.
12) Buc-ee's.
13a) Driving on beach.
13b) Lunch in Surfside.
14) Boogie-boarding.
15) Yaga's (yummy veggie burgers!!).
16) NOT a beach bonfire - stargazing instead.
17a) Priming/painting an Ike-damaged house.
17b) Jack in the Box (them, not me...I had a meeting)
18) MINI GOLF (significant to the way we began).
19) Near-death encounter with cows on the road.
20) Smithhart's for Chicken Fried Steak (which Katie and I did NOT eat).
21) Beach bonfire. For reals.

I have no idea how we fit it all in, but we did it. I dropped them off at the airport this morning with more than a tinge of sadness, saying goodbye to some of the best friends I never expected to find. We're a surprising group, none of us having been close friends (or even knowing each other) before a Steak-and-Shake encounter to remember a little more than a year ago. Yet our short-lived dinner party schedule was one of my favorite parts of the past year and a half. This weekend just cemented my love for these three crazy people. :)









It kind of makes me want to move back home in March. Let's face it...my heart's in two different places right now. There's this great place where I've found an amazing church and good friends and a beautiful land of sunshine and open waters. And yet there's also a place of familiarity, of family and friends and trees that change color with the seasons.

I have a few months left to decide, but I don't know how I'm going to do it.

Dear Texas (Again).

Dear Texas,

I don't understand you. It was pitch black at 6:45 when I woke to take little miss sunshine out to pee. But it was still hot as Hades. If you're going to hand me the darkness of the "cooler" months, can't you at least bless me with a few golden leaves?

Much love,

Carolyn

P.S. You can tell the cool weather fairy who visited on Sunday that she's welcome back any time. I liked her a lot.

Holy Pup.

I admit it. I forgot just how much work it is to train a puppy. I was a bit overwhelmed by it this evening as my tiny furball kept growling and snapping at her (much) bigger stepbrother.

I actually stopped for a moment and wondered if I'd made the right decision in getting her.

Right now, though, she's laying in her kennel a few feet away from me, passed out on her back, with her feet sticking up in the air. Dork. But I love her.

I'll be honest: having this goofy ball of white fuzz in my life complicates it a little. It'll be harder to go to Lake Jackson and spend hours upon hours there. I have something else to think about every day, and there's a week in December when I have no idea what to do with her because I'll be in Michigan.

But that's okay. We'll figure out as we go, this little girl and I.